Virgin Territory
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Movie Reviews of Virgin Territory
Movie Review: Mostly lame
Summary: 2 Stars
While apparently attempting to be an R-rated variation on "A Knight's Tale", this film fails to achieve that goal. Yes, the basic components are all there: famous young actor, rock music elements in the soundtrack, episodic and loosely strung together plot line, but in the end, it simply doesn't all come together. Even worse, it lacks the charm that "A Knight's Tale" had, which was what made that film rise above mediocrity in the first place.
There are some amusing scenes, the acting isn't atrociously bad (but not really good, either), and the production values are actually better than I'd expected. And there's a fair amount of bare flesh exposed every 10 to 15 minutes, as if the director knew he'd better keep tossing something to the crowd in order to keep them from dozing off. You get full-frontal female nudity, with a few shots of semi-clad males, taking into account the target demographic's comfort level. But all that's not enough to make this worth watching, at least not more than once.
The DVD transfer is good, though there were a couple of small audio drop-outs. Overall, the whole thing was a disappointment.
Movie Review: The Erotic Escapades of Virgin Territory
Summary: 3 Stars
Erotic comedies generally work best when they include a lot of witty dialogue filled with funny double entendres, and with sincere but hopeless attempts by beautiful characters trying to resist the temptations of sensual pleasure. We get some of that in David Leland's film, VIRGIN TERRITORY, set in 14th century Florence, but probably not as much as some viewers might like to make the movie truly satisfying.
It's both understandable and laughable enough when Hayden Christensen, as the swashbuckling charmer Lorenzo de Lamberti, ends up in a tree while escaping sword-wielding guards out to teach him a lesson on the virtues of sexual restraint. It's not so easy to understand why--after a branch breaks from his very human weight and he falls from the tree--several nuns mistake him for an angel who has come to earth to fulfill their sexual fantasies.
Thankfully, the plot does not end there. It is in fact interwoven for ninety-seven minutes with a series of vignettes surrounding the desire of Lamberti and two others--Mathew Rhys as a zany Russian count and Tim Roth as a obsessive nobleman--to marry the beautiful Pampinea, played by Mischa Barton of The O.C. Thrown into the mix for good humorous measures are an artist pretending to be a priest, a couple of farm girls who just want to have fun, and a penis competition held in a camp of gypsy bandits.
If it all sounds a bit disjointed and awkward that's because it often is. Virgin Territory comes close to the kind of film one might expect from the legendary Monty Python and his outrageous crew if they chose to make erotic escapades their primary theme. In that sense, there are genuinely funny moments in Virgin Territory that provide viewers with some light amusement even if you're not likely to consider it the best film you've ever seen.
by Author-Poet Aberjhani
author of ELEMENTAL, The Power of Illuminated Love
and The American Poet Who Went Home Again
Movie Review: Wannabe Medieval Sex Comedy movie
Summary: 2 Stars
Virgin Territory is a wannabe medieval sex comedy starring Haydn Christansen and Tim Roth.
Intending to inhabit the same territory as Casanova and a Knight's Tale (both starring the late Heath Ledger), this is a moderately entertaining (intentionally?) anachronistic teenage sex comedy. The plot is pointless to describe, involving a woman betrothed to two men, Haydn as a playboy who winds up hiding in a convent with sex-crazed nuns, gratiutious nudity, and a not-in-this-world Russian count who seems to have the only firearm in Florence.
It is all very silly, sillier I think than even the intention of the producer and director. The direction itself is lackluster, the fighting scenes not very well done.
There is a fair amount of luminous young female beauty in the movie (and I suppose the male leads might appeal to those of the fairer gender). Aside from that eye candy, there is not much else to commend watching this film.
It wants to be as good as the movies cited above, but it doesn't manage to do it.
Movie Review: Don't pluck this vapid virgin off the shelf
Summary: 2 Stars
Vapid beyond belief.
Pointlessly silly.
Ridiculous to the extreme.
Painfully farcical.
As boring as watching wine age.
Disappointing attempt at a period piece.
Idiotic on the level of Jessica Simpson.
As juvenile as a frat party.
Insulting to any intelligent creature.
I thought this would be a fun, light romp through history; a period piece with a little panache, but I was woefully wrong. This was just a stupid, sophmoric attempt at humor. As stupid as someone who giggles at the words "pee pee, caa caa, poo poo, fart."
You would be much better off renting (or buying):
Ridicule
Vatel
The Red Violin
Dangerous Liaisons
Colonel Chabert
Save the brain cells!
Movie Review: OK-ish
Summary: 3 Stars
I was wondering what to expect when i started watching this movie BUT i can honestly say it was kinda ok.. It's like a sex movie for 19-24 year olds. It was cheesey yet you couldn't help but watch at times.. I would truly have given it 2.85 stars...