Untamed Heart
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Movie Reviews of Untamed Heart
Movie Review: no title
Summary: 3 Stars
Only gave it three stars, even though Christian Slater was wonderful - every woman's dream of romantic. But I had problems with why Caroline didn't insist he get a heart transplant. She heard the doctor; is she that stupid?Movie Review: Heart of a Baboon
Summary: 2 Stars
In an early scene of "Untamed Heart" (MGM, 1993, Working Title: "Heart of a Baboon"), waitress Marisa Tomei is assaulted by two rather large hooligans. Luckily for her, busboy Christian Slater has been stalking her in secret, and vanquishes the hooligans with a stick. And thus begins the romance - the more Tomei learns of Slater, the more she falls for him.
We may question her choice in men (she has been through several failed relationships), but her new flame's credentials are impeccable: Slater demonstrates his sensitive Buddhist leanings with nuggets like "you are my peace," and lives next to the river with his anonymous and rather androgynous dog:
"Tomei: Good dog. What's her name?
Slater: I don't know. He didn't tell me."
As an avid reader of literature and one who spends most of his time lost in profound recollection, it is only natural that Slater still believes the explanation given to him as a child for his heart defect: he has the heart of a baboon. Slater always struck me as being too perfect for a man. Now I know why, because he is a baboon.
Yet not all is wonderful in paradise. True to their nature, the hooligans return for their revenge, and Slater learns the hard way that two men with knives beats one baboon with a stick. Soon Slater's in the hospital, where he is informed that although he was stabbed in the stomach, he must be treated with heart surgery.
As no human can perform surgery on a baboon heart, Slater flees the hospital to Tomei's house, where the following exchange takes place:
"Tomei: Adam your heart is diseased! You need a new one.
Slater: But this is my heart! I'm afraid that if they take it away I won't be able to love you the same."
With final proof that he truly loves her - and has a baboon heart - Tomei doesn't take him back to the hospital, and instead holds him ever so gently while he comes to a slow, twitching end.
Movie Review: You've Got to Be Kidding!
Summary: 1 Stars
This has to be one of the worst "romantic" movies I've ever seen. From the very beginning, you know you're in for punishment just because Marisa Tomei's character Caroline is such a ditz, and only a ditz would fall for another of her kind. Christian Slater as Adam is totally unbelievable. Come on, nobody is that dumb...are they? All old spaghetti face does is mope and whine about why "this always happens to me" as Rosie Perez turns her Mistah Kottah accent up to an annoying eleven throughout the entire film. "I'd doooo 'im if he wasn't so **** dumb!" Yeah, sweetheart, and if you were a rocket scientist you wouldn't be fencing with your girlfriend in a diner with flyswatters. Best you start jumping Adam's ribs right now.
Wow, this is a really shallow and stupid story that just goes from bad to worse. Adam has a bad heart, and he actually grows up believing the nuns' goofy stories about how he had a baboon's heart, so he thinks nothing of fighting some creeps who try to rape Caroline after her shift is over at the restaurant. The result? She falls in love with a guy who's dumber than a box of rocks and lives with his dog under a bridge.
Throughout the film, we are pummeled with horrible dialogue. For example: "I have fallen!" "Did you hurt yourself?" Ugh, I think I'm going to spew chunks! Worst of all, Dum-Dum doesn't know what a hockey puck is, yet he catches a flying one in his hand without breaking something or screaming out in pain, and hands it to Caroline. Have you had enough? Not only do Tomei and Slater make a highly mismatched couple in this badly written excuse for a romance, but their chemistry--and I use the term loosely--couldn't cover a ritz cracker with the aid of a good knife. Spare yourself. If you want to see some good romance films, try Serendipity (which is predictable, but lovely in every way), While You Were Sleeping, or an old and wonderful classic like Breakfast at Tiffany's. If you must see this embarrassing mess, make sure you rent it first.