They Call Me Bruce?
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Movie Reviews of They Call Me Bruce?
Movie Review: Oh, the Humanity!
Summary: 1 Stars
Well, it doesn't get any cheesier than this! I should first offer an apology to the world at large concerning my behavior when I first watched this in 1982. You see, I was young then and didn't know much about anything going on in the world at large. To me, "They Call Me Bruce?" was funny, quite possibly the height of humor some twenty years ago. How could you not laugh about an Asian guy coming over to the United States, eventually mistaken for Bruce Lee by a bunch of mafia hoods, and then embarking on a cross-country drug run full of hijinks? I am here to tell you now, in the full flower of my adulthood, that this movie is NOT funny except for an occasional one liner tossed out by lead star Johnny Yune. Rewatching this ultra cheesy, gutter budget turkey absolutely proves the rule that some things enjoyed as a child should never rear their heads again later in life. I cannot believe someone saw fit to release this refuse on DVD. Don't get me wrong: sometimes cheese-laden movies are a good thing; we all have our favorite low budget groaners. I hope for your sake that one of these favorites is not "They Call Me Bruce?" Starring Korean stand-up comedian Johnny Yune, this fish out of water story attempts to document the antics of Chan, a native Korean (or Chinese?) who works for a bunch of hoods in California. Everyone calls Chan "Bruce," a reference to the late martial arts star Bruce Lee, and even Chan has posters of the legend hanging on the walls of his apartment. Chan is no Bruce Lee, however, as he doesn't even look like the guy and he knows no martial arts whatsoever. This deficiency on the part of our hero doesn't stop the crime boss from tricking Chan into carrying cocaine shipments disguised as flour to drop off points across the country. Since Chan works as a cook for the crime family, he sees nothing wrong with this proposition. The rest of the film outlines one painfully inadequate scene after another as Bruce runs into dangerous thugs, police officers, federal agents following him and his chauffer in order to shut down the crime family, black street hoods, and hillbillies in a country western bar. Throughout it all, Chan continues to follow his dying grandfather's advice to get to New York City where he will find the girl his grandfather loved.
This movie is so dumb that it isn't even laughable 99% of the time. The martial arts scenes are painful to watch, the dialogue is arthritic, and the set pieces (particularly a casino scene in Las Vegas) are so cheap that they look filthy. Then there is the stereotyping that virtually insures a film like this would never get made today. At least "They Call Me Bruce?" indulges in equal opportunity stereotyping. For example, blacks are street hoods who talk "jive," a Jewish mobster talks in a neurotic tone while eating a bagel, the Italian hoods all talk with heavy accents and eat spaghetti, and Asians run martial arts dojos. At one point, a thug makes a cringe worthy reference to Kunta Kinte from "Roots." Even many of the whites in the film appear as dumb hicks straight out of the trailer park.
At least cast member Pamela Huntington, playing federal agent Anita who follows Bruce on his adventures, is quite attractive and nice to watch. Margaux Hemingway appears here as well, playing the weightlifting girlfriend of one of the mafia thugs. Hemingway is not as nice to look at; she looks sweaty and not at all healthy in her role as Karmen. Occasionally Anita and Karmen duke it out in a lame karate fight, but even two girls fighting isn't enough to raise this shipwreck of a film. I don't recall seeing Marsha Warfield in this film even though she appears in the credits, but I'm convinced that the guy who played Porky in that obnoxious series of early `80's films played a bartender in an early scene. None of this matters, though, because the film's lameness taints anyone who appears in it.
As for Yune's jokes, well, here are a few of them. You decide if they are funny: "I was once run over by a Toyota...Oh, what a feeling!" "We were so poor that when a thief broke into our house, we robbed him," and "I once knew a woman who made her husband a millionaire through gambling. Only thing was, he used to be a billionaire." Now certain situations Yune is in when he tosses off a one liner do cause a faint chuckle even today, but this is not brilliant comedy. Rather, it is a mix of weak slapstick, weak one liners, and a corny ending that in no way redeems the previous eighty minutes of gruel shoveled down the viewer's throat.
The DVD transfer is poor, with lots of grain, what looks like slight tearing on the print, and lots of washed out colors. The sound quality is sub par as well, although you can still hear the bad jokes and pathetic overacting easily enough. The only extras on the disc are three film trailers for obscure movies. A director's commentary would have been nice if for no other reason than to hear who bears the responsibility for this atrocity. "They Call Me Bruce?" is a horribly produced, terribly outdated film best relegated to total obscurity. With so many good films still in desperate need of a DVD release, it is deeply troubling pablum like this found its way to store shelves.
Movie Review: Terrible DVD transfer
Summary: 1 Stars
Wow the picture quality is just awful, sound is muffled. The DVD looks way worse than the old VHS version. I would buy VHS if you like this movie. The movie is pretty funny even though the gags are really dated. There is a scene where Marsha Warfield (from Night Court) is in jail and she rubs cocaine on her teeth.Movie Review: THEY CAN CALL HIM WHATEVER!
Summary: 1 Stars
Not much to say except that it sucked and I am glad that I did not watch the whole thing. Don't waste your money on this unless you don't care about how stupid it is.
See ya.