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Movie Reviews of The AppleMovie Review: Money well spent. Summary: 5 Stars
Since a handful of well-attended screenings have popped up in L.A., Boston, Austin, Seattle and San Francisco in the past two years, this movie has been coveted by all who enjoy a good bad movie. So coveted that bootlegs of questionable quality have been gobbled up on eBay. But now it's here, a bright, shiny print on DVD! This movie can't be missed. Its horrible acting, flimsy plot, unrelentingly bad music and lyrics, cheeseball costumes and, best of all, its earnestness, put it at the top of my list of camp demanding repeat viewings. It's also camp deserving of a wider audience. If you can't laugh at a man walking around in an Amazing Stories robe and silver G-string while antagonizing a wide-eyed music industry protege, what can you laugh at? If you can't appreciate a full-scale underworld scene (with music reminiscent of the worst of "Rocky Horror") in which one guy is wearing a mask with an extra face on it, what's wrong with you? These are just some of the subtle qualities that make this movie so great. Others: An evil overlord/music executive whose offices appear to be in the Kansas City airport. A guy with perpetual cameltoe. A cross between jazz hands and spirit fingers that passes for choreography. A surgical team interrupted by a mandatory exercise period in which the patient even gets a workout. A baffling scene in which a hippie commune gets sucked into the heavens by a white tux-clad guy named Mr. Topps. It's just jaw-droppingly awful ... but a lot of fun.
Movie Review: Too Awful To Miss! Summary: 5 Stars
In the canon of so-bad-they're-amazing movies, "The Apple" ranks somewhere in the vicinity of "Howard the Duck" and "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians." The story is somewhat an amalgam of "Phantom of the Paradise" (its Faustian elements and music-industry satire), "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" (ditto, and "The Apple" is much better), "Xanadu" (pop cheese circa 1980), "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" (the camp, the glam, and the tight shiny underwear), "Hair" (the hippies) and John Huston's "The Bible" (seems to be inspired by the Adam/Eve story as interpreted by Huston). It's 86 minutes long, which is about the proper duration for a movie like this. The costumes are so mind-bogglingly over-the-top, as both the elaborate and the underwear seem to have cost about the same. The performances and writing are horrendous, but kudos to Vladek Sheybal and Ray Shell for acknowledging they're in a movie that's supposed to be trashy. Miriam Margolyes also has a hilarious (if stereotypical) supporting role as a landlady. This is the kind of movie that begs to be watched and simultaneously mocked and celebrated. You must watch it in widescreen format, for the full effect of the money that was spent on it (no B-level schlock is this!) One quibble: the trailer features material not in the actual movie. "The Apple" has everything: the good, the bad... and the gaudy.
Movie Review: An amazing bad movie Summary: 5 Stars
If anyone wondered why the movie musical died in the early 80s until Disney resurrected it with "Beauty and the Beast," just watch 1980's "The Apple", "Xanadu" and "Can't Stop the Music," and you will understand. "The Apple" is truly something special. The debut film of Catherine Mary Stewart, the bad movie queen of the 80s and 90s, this is also one of the first Cannon pictures, and it almost sank Cannon before it even got off the ground. The restored DVD is pristine, and shows that very little expense was spared in making this perplexing, baffling mess - hundreds of extras, elaborate sets, bizarre costumes, and other trappings that show this was no ordinary B-movie. The songs are bad, the acting is horrible, the writing and direction are worse. But, "The Apple" maintains a high level of energy, as well as such amazing levels of badness that the movie is more entertaining than many "good" movies. And, I won't give a spoiler, but, hippies? Really? Like Cartman, I refuse to place my faith in hippies.
If you love bad movies, you will enjoy "The Apple". It's at least worth a rent to see how Catherine Mary Stewart got started, and why she eventually ended up in "World Gone Wild" (another can't-miss feature for bad movie fans).
Movie Review: The "CrAPPLE" at last Summary: 5 Stars
This is the Holy of Holies of BAD CINEMA, the pristine junk that Ed Wood would have produced if someone had given him a blank check to make a musical. Since Ed never made it to the musical scene, we have to settle for the contributions of two of Ed's equals in tacky tastelessness, yes the Cannon Boyz themselves, Menahem Golan and Youram Globus.
This cinematic canker sore MUST be "scene" to be believed. Especially the parts where Vladek Sheybal, (yes, Col Kronsteen and Dr Jackson from UFO) sings. Well, I guess Telly Savalas was too busy doing Vegas gigs to appear in this hyperventilated hokeyfest. Let's just say that Alice Cooper has nothing to fear from this guy.
As for the "ending". it is a pastiche of Grand gruyere as the incredible Mr. Topps, played by Joss Ackland, all of a sudden appears in a suit that makes him look like a pimp on Sesame Street, complete with a funky cheesy negative of an AMC Ambassador that all of a sudden has thousands of hippies walking into it for their ride to meet Mr. Xenu.
Truly the Holy of Holies of BAD CINEMA. It MUST be "Scene" to be believed!
Movie Review: No more bootleg copies - hurrah! Summary: 5 Stars
What more can I add? Reviewer CC Incalzini says it all really - very good review!
I'd just like to add that it is great to finally have this film on a 'proper' DVD, I've seen all the bootleg copies for sale on eBay (and believe it or not DVD's too) - buy from Amazon, coz at least then you know you're getting a 'real' copy and not a bootleg! - MGM have done a stonkingly good job of restoring this print (if that's the right word) the awful pan and scan on the video has gone, and because of that you get to see the whole movie. I finally get to see Vladek Sheybal (Mr Boogalow) singing all the way through 'The Master' whereas before I didn't. This actor is great in the movie as he normally plays screen villains and it was great to see him do something different. All in all, a great effort. Now can we turn our attention to getting The Apple soundtrack released on CD (instead of bootleg copies of the album as seen on eBay) - that would complete the set wouldn't it? - why are you running away - what's wrong with you?
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