The Apple
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DVD Cover Information
Actor: Alan Love, Catherine Mary Stewart, George Gilmour, Grace Kennedy, Joss AcklandBrand: STEWART,CATHERINE M
DVD: Region Code 1
Audio: English (Unknown), Dolby Digital 2.0 Surround; English (Subtitled); Spanish (Subtitled); French (Subtitled); English (Original Language), Dolby Digital 2.0 Surround
Format: Anamorphic, Closed-captioned, Color, DVD, Full Screen, NTSC, Subtitled, Widescreen
Picture Format: 2.35:1
Running Time: 90 minutes
DVD Release Date: 2004-08-24
Audience Rating: PG (Parental Guidance Suggested)
Studio: MGM (Video & DVD)
Movie Reviews of The Apple
Movie Review: Take this Apple-a-day and the doctor will be there to stay!
Summary: 5 Stars
The lie that all apples are healthful and beneficial to the human body is ultimately exposed in this nightmare. No apple has done more to harm mankind since Adam and Eve.
B! (I. M.!)
B! (I. M.!)
It is with these opening words...errr...letters, that we are introduced to to the B.I.M. An evil American music corporation. As we watch these glitter-covered fools in space-suits dancing and singing this musical monstrosity, the scene cuts to Mr. Boogalew, CEO of the corp. as well as his flaming underling, Shake. We are also introduced to the concept that we are watching an 'American Idol' show where the audience votes for the winner, by a reading of their vital signs.
When the songs over, (thank God!) we learn that this takes place in the future! 1994 to be specific. The next song happens to be performed by our heroes, Alphie and Bebe, singing the saccharine song, "Love: the universal melody." It will make you puke.
"We belong to one another/we share each other's destiny./United by our love, we're all children of/the universal family./And we are everybody's brother/we share the birthright to be free./And deep within our heart/there beats the song of the ages/Love: the universal melody!
"Do the BIM!" some moronic make-up wearing teen shouts. I can't imagine the complete lack of intellect a person must possess in order to request the song you just heard performed by a completely different group that has already left the stage. The only thing that got me through this song was the thought of bending BeBe over the hood of my Jeep. As a matter of fact, this was all that got me through this whole movie, as you will find should you read on.
Now we're at a BIM celebration party. They have apparently invited Alphie and Bebe because their song did very well. We're also introduced to Ashley, Mr. Boogalow's flaming head of marketing. He makes up this horrible idea that everyone has to wear a plastic triangle on their foreheads yclept a BIM mark. From this point forward, everyone, including the extras will be wearing one of these.
Dandi, male part of BIM's leading music duo decides to make his moves on Bebe even though she's Alphie's girl. Yep, there's gonna be a song.
"You're made for meeeeee!/Created for meeeeee!/And I am your made for meeeeeeee!/It's fated to beeeee./And you'll be my You're made for
And that's about all there is to that song. It is at this point,however, appropriate to bring up the choreography that these people dance to. The choreographer was either a total genius, a Steve Reich of the dance-world, or an inebriated shut-in that wasn't so much showing them how to dance as he was having violent epileptic seizures.
The costumes? It looks like every costume from every broadway musical ever created was vomited, violently, onto the cast members. It is not unusual to see one man running around in a Techno-colour dreamcoat, being chased by the Phantom of the Opera, being chased by the entire cast of Godspell. As a matter of fact, by the end of this movie, sights like this will pass by you unnoticed. You could get into your bed only to find your wife is there with a midget circus-clown dressed up as a pig in a pilgrim costume and you won't bat an eyelash. "Night, Hon."
Had enough? Too bad, because here comes another song! That's right, this movie will NOT give you a chance to take a breather and rejoin the land of the living after each song. There will be very few gaps as you are assaulted with a Tyson-like series of one-two punches that will leave you begging to stay down on the mat.
Like a puppet on a string/Like a monkey on a swing(?)/Man is clinging to the ropes of his fantasies and hopes/We are dangling.(Clown: MR. Boogalow!)
There's not too much to say about this one. I will say that if you are not scarred for life after watching grown men dancing around with boas then I worry about you. Anyway, we now have 4 minutes of dialog nobody cares about before we have another SONG!
You thought the last song was bad? Your naivete charms me. Alphie and Bebe are now in HeIl. It may worry you that the women in this scene are fully clothed while the men are wearing practically nothing. As a matter of fact you should be worried, because I sure as heIl am. This song gets off to a terrifying start as vampires and a hoard of ghastly ghouls darts around like they've just took a shot of jenkem. You'll know you have because that's what this movie is.
Long story short, Bebe signs the contact and Alphie doesn't. Now, Alphie storms out leaving Bebe alone with the BIM. And you know what, you got another friggin song coming. Choke on it. At least they finally show their straight viewers some service and have Bebe scantily clad in workout clothes. About friggin time.
Just because you made it through that song with wrists intact, don't think you can tell your family to un-hide the silverware, because after a few short lines of dialog you've got another song. Things are looking up though, she's clad in Power-ranger gear and does some boxer-cising dance moves.
[...].
I hope you're still reading this, having survived this little soul-tourniquet, and are ready for more. Because you're gonna get more. After Alphie gropes his jewish landlord(he really does this) He sings her a song. The lyrics aren't worth typing.
I would hate for my review to contain spoilers concerning the end of this film so I will write no more. Who am I trying to kid, there just isn't anything left worth writing about. Should I tell you that in the end God comes to Earth in a flying Rolls Royce and saves Alphie and Bebe by taking them to Heaven in his sweet ride? Because that's what friggin happens, that's how this movie ends. Eat it.
Summary of The Apple
No Description Available.Genre: Feature Film-Drama
Rating: PG
Release Date: 24-AUG-2004
Media Type: DVD
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