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Movie Reviews of Testosterone
Movie Review: Gigli Bad
Summary: 1 Stars
This movie is Gigli BAD. I'm trying to imagine in my mind why talented women like Sonia Braga and Jennifer Coolidge would take these roles? The script is poor, the acting is bad, the ending is just plain dumb.
I expected to see Antonio Sabato Jr in a starring role, but he's in the first minute of the film and then he appears in the very end. I think he was trying to do an Argentenian accent but it sounded very amateurish. Like any gay man, I've been in love with Antonio since Janet Jackson's "Love Will Never Do" video. I mean, I wanted to like this movie, but....
The things that happen in this movie, are not beleiveable. Dean goes looking in Argentina for his boyfriend Pablo (He pronounces it Pahh-blow, grrr)who has up and left him with no explanation. He tries to get Pablo's mom (Sofia Braga) to help him find Pablo (Antonio Sabato), but she won't. So he asks a waitress "Sofia" across the street if she has any info. At first she claims not to speak English and declares the store is closed. Then we find out she is fluent in English and she wants to help him. He meets a Hot and Sexy "fan" Marcus, oh yeah Dean is a comic book writer, and they end up getting it on...until Marcos spills that he knows Pablo, they used to "F*** for 2 1/2 years." The movie just gets worse and worse. Marcos wants to kill Dean, we're not sure why. Dean ends up kissing Pablo's mom in a wierd break in, he also ends up kissing Sofia...WHAT?! I would have fast forwarded this movie, except there is no "Closed Captioning."
If you're crazy about Antonio, rent this movie, if not SKIP it.
Movie Review: What I saw without fastforwarding was dull
Summary: 1 Stars
Was the sole intent of this film to flaunt the smidgeon of a moment when Sabato Jr. revealed himself in all his glory? It sure seemed like it, because there was a lot of hype about his full frontal scene... and talk of little else. After I watched the movie, it is easy to see why that is. As a matter of fact, his scene is indicative of the rest of this films appeal. It is long... and it is limp.
The acting is plain horrid. Who ever said Jennifer Coolidge offered much needed comic relief must have been desperately seeking another high point to compare to the nudity because her performance seemed as if it was phoned in during a break from the American Pie series. As for the leading man (no, not Sabato Jr., the dude is hardly in the picture) well, he was decent but his character was sloppily developed. I was left wondering how he had been driven to do what he did at the end and what exactly he had gotten out of it. And also, a twist at the end is meant to be revealing and a surprise, but the surprise is that the film makers expect viewers to grasp what happened. I'm still confused.
Maybe if I had kept my thumb off of the forward button on my remote, I may have been more in tune with the overall point of this film, but I was not so forgiving. Fortunatly, I rented this gem of a garbage color and I am certain I won't be needing a fix of this film again.
Ever.
Movie Review: the opposite of "chevere"
Summary: 1 Stars
This movie is pure goofiness. The Simpsons once said, "I guess it's a bad idea to plan an international trip around finding a missing boy." The directors should have taken that advice. Antonio Sabato Jr., the reason for seeing the film, is barely in it. He's mostly only present during the anticlimactic conclusion. The main character Dean doesn't speak a word of Spanish though he lives in Los Angeles and Spanish is taught in the US more than any other foreign language. South America has this LONG history of "disappearances," yet Dean fights with a policeman. Argentina and Nicaragua are the only two countries in Latin America with sodomy laws, yet Dean shows an Argentinian woman a photo of him hugging Antonio and isn't scared. The United States requires its citizens to serve their terms if they are convicted of crimes abroad, yet Dean asks for marijuana as soon as he gets into his hotel, in this post-fascist, conservative country. Dean pronounces Pablo using the first "a" in Canada, rather than the last: Spanish doesn't even have that type of "a". Still, he makes fun of Pablo's English. South America is very divided by class and appearance-conscious, yet Dean walks into a wedding banquet wearing jeans. As a person of color, I was fascinated seeing a movie where a white American man is so smitten over a foreign man of color. This flick was just painful to watch, otherwise.Movie Review: If not for the money shot!
Summary: 1 Stars
First of all this movie is about revenge and hate. What would compel a person to go to extreme measures just to exact revenge (for me it's unjustified). The extreme measures in this case involve flying to Argentina, having sex with your ex boyfriend's one-night-stand(if that!)and ruining the wedding of your ex because of HATE and because he dumped you! The author must be experiencing a lot of repressed anger(I didn't read the book). This, I find stretched the limit of believability, but one can argue that it's a movie. Having said that, the only redeeming feature of the film for me is the FULL FRONTAL nude scene of ASJ. You know what I mean! I'm not a fan but I'm willing to buy this DVD just for that! How's that for someone who didn't like the movie?Movie Review: Stay Away
Summary: 1 Stars
What a thundering disappointment. Fans of the book will be outraged by this dire adaption. And Antonio Sabato Jr. fans must not get their hopes up: despite the hoopla over his full frontal nude scene, it lasts a flickering second (have that pause button handy). Additionally, he gives a stilted, one-note performance. Shockingly, the film was co-adapted for the screen by Dennis Hensley, a frequent celebrity interviewer and author of the witty books "Misadventures in the (213)" and "Screening Party"; none of his humor is present here. Also missing is the book's edge and sense of urgency; the film plays more like a plodding drama. Save yourself time and money and look for your entertainment value elsewhere.