Teeth
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Movie Reviews of Teeth
Movie Review: Ouch! Terr Ify Ing
Summary: 5 Stars
`Teeth' is one of those films I must admire while at the same time feel frustrated that such a terrifying concept was not executed better.
I am reminded of Hitchcock's famous quote that a bomb exploding is not suspenseful; a bomb not exploding is suspenseful because we are afraid that it will. `Teeth' gives away too much too soon and provides too many answers. Likewise with the excessive blood, seeing severed body parts is not frightening because we know they're fake. Not showing us lets us imagine an image far worse than anything FX could produce. The unknown is far scarier.
The premise itself is enough to horrify and intrigue one to see this film. In case you haven't figured it out from the trailers and the reviews, `Teeth' tells the story of teenage virgin with vaginal teeth. As I said it gives away too much too soon.
Despite its flaws `Teeth' is absolutely terrifying and passed the horror movie test of causing me to loose sleep. Probably the best element is the characters themselves. These teenagers actually look and act like real teens not horror movie bimbos. Dawn is extremely likable with her down to earth good looks. She doesn't look like she has someone style her hair and make up for 100K every hour. Dawn lives with her mother, stepfather, and scumbag, junkie, punk stepbrother. Dawn's main activity is being the spokes person for promise rings. Children promising to remain chaste (even with themselves) until marriage and boasting a ring to prove it. Most of these children seem far too young to even know what sex is or what they're promising, Dawn is one of the few teens in the organization. Unlike other poorly written films these scenes do not patronizingly mock Christians but adorn them.
Dawn's horrific and inevitable self discovery does not come about as expected. As she and her boyfriend take things further and further the date switches to a rape. That in itself is frightening.
While many critics are placing `Teeth' in the category of shameless blood soaked teen slasher flicks it is far more as it explores the horror concept of becoming that which you most fear. A monster at your door? Kill it. But what if you're the monster? Dawn has no one to turn to. There are no support groups and a trip to a gynecologist becomes a nightmare. It reminded me of `Devil Lady' where people around the world are becoming monsters. Everyone is too frightened of themselves to deal with the problem. How would they deal with it? Her body and her memories will never leave her.
`Teeth's atmosphere is also surprisingly realistic making the impact of the theme all the more terrifying. Similar to `Donnie Darko' or `Carrie' Dawn's life is far from the materialistic teen world of MTV. Dawn already has plenty of real problems.
`Teeth' is extremely disturbing with an enthralling main character. I couldn't take my eyes off it.
As I said my only real frustration with the film is that it had the potential to be twice as good by doing more with less. We don't need all these bloody scenes. The concept itself already has us horrified. All this blood just degrades `Teeth' into the slasher category.
Likewise the opening scene shows the toddler step siblings in a pool where little brother puts his finger where it doesn't belong and gets bitten. I would think this would be more likely to happen to Dawn during the course of her life. This scene is pointless and we do not need to see toddlers sexually molesting each other.
Rational explanations. We are constantly reminded of a nuclear power plant looming above killing Dawn's mother with cancer. While some have said this is symbolic it gives too easy an explanation for why Dawn is deformed. No answer would be far more frightening. Some of the scariest stories ever, never divulged their biggest secrets. `Flowers In The Attic' we never found out how many people were in on holding the children prisoner or why their mother agreed to this. It was about more than money. `The Exorcist' why was Regan possessed? Never revealed. `Battle Royale' how was the villain Kazuo able to withstand deadly gunshots and other wounds without flinching? Never revealed. `V For Vendetta' (the comic not that crappy film) who was V? Was he really Evy's father. I think so, but there was no confirmation.
Movie Review: A shokcingly intimate documentary on vagina dentata
Summary: 5 Stars
I cannot think of another film that takes such a ballsy approach to exploring the almost entirely ignored world of women afflicted with vagina dentata. The fact that analysis and documentation of this terrible affliction is so sparse is obviously a stark reminder of the iron fist of patriarchy that crushes the vocal chords of women trying to speak out about this condition.
This film follows the struggle of a young woman who was a strong proponent of the abstinence movement, following in the footsteps of such luminaries as Sarah and Bristol Palin. Like Bristol, her conviction is swayed, for just a brief moment, however instead of the conception of a child turning her world upside down, it is the evolution of her genitalia that pushes her life in a direction she never would have imagined.
While struggling to deal with the horrors of natural selection and Darwinism and the stark contrast they hold to her conservative Christian upbringing, she must also fend off the unwanted advances of multiple men. Andrea Dworkin argued that all heterosexual sex in our patriarchal society is coercive and degrading to women, and sexual penetration may by its very nature doom women to inferiority and submission, and "may be immune to reform." She essentially pointed out that penetrative intercourse is rape, and she was obviously correct based on how many times the protagonist of this film is faced with degrading situations. Not only must she deal with the knowledge that societal structure is designed to denigrate her through sex, but she must also cope with her physical condition.
In a stunning turn of events, one that will cast her among feminist icons spanning multiple generations, the subject of this film choose to view her condition not as a liability, but as a tool. A tool to aide her in her vigilanteism, dare I be so crass as to say she literally "takes a bite out of crime" ? Well, it is true, she does, and in doing so she turns the tables on misogyny and ableism.
This is absolutely a film that should be shown to all children and young adults struggling with feeling different. It candidly discusses sex, rape, abstinence, ableism, religion, puberty, and the struggles of being a handicapable teenager. This film also works as a helpful classroom guide for sexual education courses.
Movie Review: THE FIRST CAMP CLASSIC OF THE 21st. CENTURY!
Summary: 5 Stars
Don't miss this one! It's, by far, the WORST movie I've ever seen this century. It's so, so awfully bad that becomes good, a classic, unmissable for anyone who loves good cinema, because, as Clint Eastwood commented in "Playboy" in february 1974, you learn a great deal by watching both good and bad movies. He's absolutely right: and this movie will teach you on how NOT to make a movie. The story of this "vagina dentata" is so ridiculous that just the idea of having a movie based on such a demented issue is funny. The movie seems to have been done by the worst cinema student in class, and the actings, specially the young protagonist, deserves the title of the very worst leading female acting of the last 20 years. This is one of those movies that are so bad that, instead of creating an emotional response on the audience, it arouses exactly the opposite. The movie pretends to be scary or horrible and turns out to be incredible funny. You will certainly laugh your heads off with the most "scary" and "gore" sequences: the visit to the gynaecologist should remain as one of the funniest scenes in the history of cinema.
I certainly support the idea to create the "Ed Wood Honorary Award" so as to reward several creators of this movie, starting by the director, the main actress and the script writer. If you miss this one, you'll miss a great moment in your lives: you'll have the time of your lives laughing your heads off with this anthological flick that certainly stands as the first camp classic of the 21st. century and the very worst in recent years.
Movie Review: OUCH!!! The box that bites back
Summary: 5 Stars
Ahh man, this is as great as it sounds! Dawn is a sweet, proper high school girl who is steadfast on her beliefs of abstinence. Her purity is most definitely a good thing, due to her little problem--she has an extra set of TEETH. (Yep, they're down there). Ouch!!! I'm wincing and squirming again now just thinking about it.
Whenever the horny boys get a little too frisky--CHOMP!!! They pull back a bloody stub. There's no such thing as safe sex with Dawn. At first she gets frustrated trying to harness her emerging sexual energy, but eventually she uses this vicious little power to her advantage.
I was suprised how well done this movie is. I expected a cheesy, over-the-top popcorn horror that tries too hard to be funny. That is not the case! It's done fairly seriously, although the circumstances are so absurd it's impossible not to laugh. It's like any high school flick where the teen is dealing with puberty, dating, and trying to fit in. The beautiful young Jess Weixler won an acting award from Sundance for her performance. Teeth makes a pretty strong bite against pre-marital sex. One daring, shocking, original, funny, morbid piece of cinema.
This is one brutal horror movie you should snatch up quick
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Movie Review: ROFLMFAOPMP@Vagina Dentata
Summary: 5 Stars
Absolutely excellent independent horror/dark comedy!
It was much better than I had expected (I was expecting a low budget campy flick) and was actually quite hilarious
The story is about a teenage girl who is totally into purity and remaining abstinate and even promotes a club called *Promise* for preteens in which kids pledge their premarital abstinence by wearing a ring. Early in the film, she meets a young man in the Promise Club who fires up her dormant libido and gets her thinking some impure thoughts. What ensues gets ugly when the two end up at a lake. In this scene, the young man's libido takes over and the real reason for Dawn's abstinence becomes apparent; she has a set of shark-like teeth hidden in her vagina which engage any time she's being mistreated, chopping off certain male appendages. She eventually turns the deformity to her advantage and uses it throughout the film to get her revenge on all the males who disrespect her.
The film never crosses over into gritty exploitation but is definitely not for everyone.
A+++++++++