Southland Tales
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Movie Reviews of Southland Tales
Movie Review: Waist of a free rental coupon
Summary: 1 Stars
I expected better w/ the cast that was listed. Movie was so bad that I turned it off. If I wanted to hear that kind of language I would have rented a porn flick (wouldn't do that). Save your money.Movie Review: Really, Really Wierd, but Somehow Prophetic.
Summary: 4 Stars
After about 15 minutes of this movie you are confused, you ask yourself, "should I turn this off" but you just keep watching it. The more it went on the more I wanted to see how all these oddball characters would come together and culminate into the end of the world. My wife was disgusted and picked up her book, but I kept on watching and was glad that I did, I hate to tell her that I plan to watch it again. This is not a movie for everyone and a love of dystopia and apocalyptic vision is a prerequisite for watching this film. There were many of the old Saturday Night Live crew in the movie, the most notable is Cheri Oteri, the Rock is a poor actor, but it did not really matter in this movie. The best part, that really made this story come together was the soundtrack put together by Moby. This is destined to become a cult hit like Donnie Darko.Movie Review: High hopes... however, dashed.
Summary: 1 Stars
Southland Tales....what can one say but, WTF???? I had high hopes for this film considering the cast, but I was sadly disappointed. Kevin Smith was pretty cool for the 3 minutes he was in this (Great makeup, Kev!), but not worth the other 140+ minutes you'll waste watching this flick.Movie Review: Good actors, and bad everything else
Summary: 2 Stars
I wish I could say I liked Southland Tales. I really really wish I could. But this movie, in more than one way, is quite possibly one of the worst movies released in recent history. I liked "Donnie Darko," despite it being "out there," but this movie is not only out there, but also not good. A more lethal combination than ammonia and bleach. Even the actors THEMSELVES, admit in the on of two Special Features on the DVD that they don't even know what the movie is about. I actually bought this DVD, just because it has The Rock, Mandy Moore, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Amy Poehler, Cheri Oteri, Justin Timberlake (who was good in "Alpha Dog"), Seann William Scott, and many other name stars in it. I've liked every movie The Rock has been in (even The Gameplan, believe it or not!) but this movie shouldn't even star him. Or any of the name stars they have in this utter Disasterpiece pretending to be an arthouse sci-fi drama movie. They say this movie is a "comedy"??? But there's not a single thing funny in it. (other the commercial with the SUV's having sex doggie style. That was funny, at least.) I don't know what genre this movie fits in. It's not much of sci-fi, drama, OR comedy. I guess you'd call it the "weird pretenious crap" genre.
There's some kind of plot, but quite honestly, no one could really tell there is. I'll try, though. A terrorist attack in Abilene, Texas in alternate universe July 2005 America forces the United States to go to war with the entire Middle East, re-instate the draft, and to create a "Big Brother" style branch of government created off the Patriot Act called USIdent. USIdent controls all surveillence, media and web activity and are watching Americans everywhere in the country. A family of Republicans control USIdent and a corrupt state senator is the Republican frontrunner for the 2008 Presidental Election (and Hilary Clinton, eerily enough, is the Democratic frontrunner.) The Presidental nominee's daughter is played by Mandy Moore, and her husband is famous action star Boxer Santaros, played by The Rock. But the weekend before the Fourth of July 2008, he goes missing, and Krysta Now, played by Sarah Michelle Gellar, finds him and hides him out at her place in L.A.
Krysta Now is a retired porn star turned reality star and hosts her own beachside debate show, featuring other porn stars, where the government, global warming, and teenage horniness are the topics of discussion each week. In their short time together, Santaros and Now have fallen in love, and have written a screenplay together called The Power, which is essentially Southland Tales within Southland Tales. Krysta's friends, run an underground anti-USIdent site called "USIDeath" and are neo-Marxists trying to "fight the power." After finding out that Krysta Now has been hiding the missing Boxer Santaros, son-in-law to the Republican nominee, they make up a plan to stage a murder in Santaros' presence, hoping to throw the upcoming election into chaos so that Clinton will win in November. However, the neo-Marxists' plan gets messed, and Boxer Santaros' whereabouts become known. Some other stuff happens, Santaros' wife and Krysta Now fight over Boxer Santaros, his memory starts to return, time-travel is inexplicably thrown in, a science-fiction alternative to oil threatens the world, and the Apocalypse is about to happen.
Now, that's the best way I can describe this movie's "plot." Justin Timberlake, as a soldier home from Iraq narrates the story and the whole thing is told in a much more complex, confusing way than anyone trying to read the plot of the movie on paper, or on the internet, could possibly understand. The "ending" makes no sense and the whole introduction of a time traveling conspiracy in a movie that mostly satirizes the American government makes absolutely no sense. All we know is that "The world won't end in a whimper, but in a bang," and that "pimps don't commit suicide."
Why, oh WHY on God's green Earth would ANY of these talented actors choose to do a movie like this? Were they, also, like many of the people who seen this movie and mistook it's randomness and idiocy for "genius"? That's probably would upsets me the most. The Rock, Sarah Michelle Gellar, and others are in this movie, when it doesn't deserve to have any talented actors in it, at all. This movie is an utter train wreck, and I don't say that too often. As an aspiring screenwriter, I usually give most movies some level of credit. I mean, the general consenus is, "if they got it made, it MUST be good on some level, right?" But as I rent more and more of these "obscure" movies, I'm starting to realize just how bad some movies are and just how perplexing Hollywood works. So what if the writer/director made "Donnie Darko"? That doesn't warrant this movie ever seeing the light of day. The last movie I've seen this bad was "TV: The Movie" starring Steve-O from "[...]."
There are some movies which are "bad" because of the plot. Or "bad" because of the actor choice. Or "bad" because the director, or short budget, or whatever. A "bad movie" is very subjective. Like, I would call a "bad movie" anything by M. Night Shamalyan. But others may disagree. However, even with the actors in this though, I think I can honestly say this movie is just Universally Bad. There are so many side-plots and meaningless subplots, the "main story," which already makes little sense, is hardly even the main focus. This movie has Boxer Santaros' tale, but also Krysta Now's struggle to be taken seriously in mainstream Hollywood, Roland the cop's (played by Seann William Scott) story to find his time clone, the story of Krysta's neo-Marxist friends and their Trying To Ruin The Election story, and Justin Timberlake's soldier story, which for some reason, involves a musical number. Seperately, or if given enough time, many of these stories could possibly work, but when mashed up together like this, often with no reason or exposition given, they just all come together literally like a car wreck (or rather, Ice Cream Truck wreck). There is no sanity, or logic, or "stuff that makes sense" in this whole movie. Like I said, it's just a complete wreck. Not the "brilliant piece of art" it thinks it is.
Avoid this AT ALL COSTS! It's not even a "so bad, it's funny" type of movie. It's just a confusing, muddled mess of a disaster, which goes in all sorts of different directions, but never gets anywhere. It's sad to see talent wasted like this. I can't believe how many talented stars signed up for this craptastic piece of crap. It's a movie, in such a way, that it actually can ruin careers, mich like 2007's blockbuster Lindsay Lohan hit, "I Know Who Killed Me." I hope that when I become a filmmaker, I NEVER make something this horrible. If there's any lesson to be learned, it's "This is how you make a really, really bad movie and call it 'artistic brillance.'"
Movie Review: From the Creator of donnie Darko more wierdness
Summary: 4 Stars
I personally really liked this film However it really cant be seen as one fim rather many small vinettes all incredibly funny/dramatic/intense. It Has a host of decent to great actors and a huge bunch of SNL alumni.
The story is wierd and funny and it has a Starship troopers satirical view on the current american politics and other domestic/overseas issues.
Unlike many other movies where the left picks on the right this movie goes after both sides with a fervor. Its funny energetic and confusing as hell. To me it was 20 or so small vinettes/scenes all put into a film to try and say some things about our world...some of those I got some I'd like help with. Over all worth watching, I just wish the DVD had more back ground to fill in some gaps.