Shark Attack 3: Megalodon
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Movie Reviews of Shark Attack 3: Megalodon
Movie Review: MEGALOBAD BUT FUN
Summary: 3 Stars
This oh no another shark attack movie is pretty bad, but the camp value is high and therefore you'll find yourself submerged in its silliness. ACTING: Not that impressive; it's obviously a Romanian film, set in Mexico and the dubbing and accents are hilarious. DIRECTION: This director must show us the boat's steering wheel and the helicopter's controls two dozen times, and for no obvious reason! The shark looks as fake as ever when coming out of the water and the effects are pretty amateurish. There certainly isn't anything new in this entry, but it has enough laughs to keep you entertained.Movie Review: B MOVIE FUN
Summary: 3 Stars
While not of the "caliber" of the earlier shark attack movies, it is yet another fun escape from reality. Megalodon is a true B animal movie at its finest as giant prehistoric sharks attack. Definitely not oscar material but it is a fun way to waste a few hours. If you go in thinking it will be a great movie along the lines of JAWS you will be disapointed. But if you go in thinking its a B movie that will entertain you, you'll enjoy it.Movie Review: More like a Mega Letdown!
Summary: 2 Stars
A couple years ago, I read the book Meg, which was about a megalodon. I absolutely loved that book. Then, a couple months ago, I heard that this movie was going to be on the Sci-Fi Channel (my parents would not let me rent it). I hadn't really heard much about it, except it was the third Shark Attack movie (which have nothing to do with each other) and the basic plot. So, I decided to tape it along with Crocodile and Crocodile 2: Death Roll, which were on Sci-Fi the same day. I thought that Shark Attack 3 wasn't going to be an extremely good movie, so I kept that in mind as I watched it. As it turned out, I was disappointed. The first hour or so has a baby meg munching on the people at a Mexican resort. The baby was the size of a full grown great white, and since this was a low-budget, straight-to-video release... stock footage! Then, the plot takes a very odd turn when the baby's mother appears out of nowhere. The effects for this mama shark were awful. It's just great white footage in slow motion, some poorly-done CGI, and two or three shots of great white's heads added digitally to the screen. The cast of the film is horrible. The hero of the story, Ben (John Barrowman), looks sort of like Ben Stiller, and says the "s" word at least 25-30 times. The leading lady, played by Jennifer McShane (the girl who played the leading lady [a different character] in the first Shark Attack) is awful. When she says "Oh my God!" when a girl is about to be eaten by the baby meg, her tone is like a teenage girl gossiping between classes in the hallway at school. And Jennifer McShane did a very good performance in Scream 3 (2000), too. Everyone else is pretty stupid, too. The bay meg in this movie is 99% great white stock footage, but there are some brief moments where there is a cardboard fin, and a rubber toy. Almost everyone who reviewed this movie said that the sharks growl. They don't, however. They burp. That's right. Whenever they open their mouths to snap up an unsuspecting person, they let out a long, low belch. I found that absolutely hilarious. There is also HORRIBLE continuity. In one scene, there are two people swimming, and we see stock footage of a tiger shark. Then a great white. Then a tiger again. Then a great white again, which opens wide and burps at the two people. We then see stock footage of a great white tearing something up and one of the people screaming. Seconds later, you see both people run out of the water, and one of them looks back to see a piece of rubber with a fin attached to it floating in the water. Then, it shows Ben (the hero) inspecting a sand tiger shark, which had just startled the two people. And the shark was DEAD! And its body was floating in the water. Sharks don't have flotation bladders. When they die, they sink to the bottom of the ocean! We saw a great white rip something apart, with blood in the water, and both people are alive and unscathed, and it was said to be a sand tiger! Come on, people! Anyway, this movie is only worth watching if you have nothing else to do, or you had a depressing day and you need a good laugh. Or, if you had held your anger in for years and years, you could watch this movie and take it out on the video or DVD, smashing it, throwing it against the wall, etc.Movie Review: Untalented Actors Versus Laughable Shark Versus The Electric Company
Summary: 2 Stars
I had never seen this film before, so imagine my delight on getting it as a birthday gift. First off, everyone is absolutely correct when they say this is a blatant "Jaws" rip-off with the primary difference that there is a decent looking girl playing Richard Dreyfuss' role here. There is a bit of "Jaws 2" mixed in with the electricity subplot, and (oh, why not?) a smattering of "Titanic" thrown in for good measure. This film is all over the place, and features some of the absolute worst acting I have ever seen (and I have seen every single Ed Wood film ever made). The acting combined with the ludicrous script and utterly hysterical special effects conspire to doom this effort to utter failure. I really had no idea what rating to give this film: when measured for thoughtful, skilled filmmaking it completely fails to register, when measured for utterly wretched camp it scores infinity, so I settled on two stars.
The plot concerns a resort in Mexico (with a total absence of Mexicans) terrorized by both a huge (75 foot long) computer-generated shark, and an evil electric industry tycoon. There are pointless and futile subplots about everything from submarines to pot smoking electric company employees involved in capitalism run amok. (Don't ask.)
I have several favorite scenes in the film, most of which fail to further the plot one iota. I love the church scene that has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the movie; I was very fond of the ridiculous Apex control room set that looks more like a bunker occupied by the Strategic Air Command during the height of the cold war; I absolutely could not believe the absolutely worst pick up line in movie history (I actually had to rewind the film to make sure I heard it correctly...you will definitely know the line I am referring to when it arrives); but most of all I loved the shark versus boat scenes. Specifically, I could not stop laughing when the shark swallowed a speedboat whole, later repeating the trick with a raft and a jet ski ridden by the evil electric company magnate. There is a rhetorical question left unresolved by the film, but perhaps repeated viewings can clarify: if you are in a large, seaworthy ship being attacked by a shark, why would you jump into the sea? It seems more likely that the shark is actually in the ocean to me, but I'm not a marine biologist, so please do not confuse my observation with professional counsel. A further tip: most experienced submariners do not recommend launching a torpedo at your own submarine when it is caught in the manacles of a shark the size of a locomotive.
This movie really is a thing of wonder. But above all it makes me wonder two things: how, exactly do you get your very own navy surplus torpedo, and who, exactly, was touching that girl's knee at the restaurant? This movie is good for a laugh, but no scares. Watch it with another B-movie fan, and be prepared to groan.
Movie Review: I'm a little wired right now....
Summary: 2 Stars
I had seen the ending of this movie on one of USA's Shark Attack marathons, and I laughed so hard I bought it so I could see the whole movie. And I tell you I was not dissapointed. We tend to think of B movies being from the 80's on back, but apparently there is still a small market for straight to video releases. I will admit: it's rare to see any B-movie this entertaining.
In short, it's basically a straight-up Jaws rip-off with Russian actors badly dubbed with bad dialogue. Bad script, bad directing, bad acting, bad key-gripping, bad best-boying, and I'm sure bad-catering all come into play here. But they don't compare to the caliber of the special fx: no mechanical sharks, no man in shark suits with zippers up the back, it's even worse...Discovery Channel Shark Week stock footage of sharks, super-imposed by what appears to be an 8th grade computers class kid eating people. Jacques Cousteau is rolling in his grave.
Things to watch for:
-The changing size of the shark
-The medical kit that only has a flare gun in it
-The submarine exterior vs. the size of it's interior
-The man (who looks mysteriously like John McCain) flipping off the shark
-The Apex Corporation's Cold-Waresque control room
-The box of explosives
-The rifle that still works after being underwater for 5 minutes
-"Mistery Shark"
-The digital photo of the shark tooth
-People jumping off the ship that isn't actually sinking
-The fact that there seems to be no Mexicans in Mexico
-Who is touching the girl's thigh?
-The bombs that look like Magic 8-Balls
-"Always carry a spare. It's the Navy way."
-The leftover torpedo arsenal in John McCain's house
-The church scene that has absolutley nothing to do with anything else in the movie
-Topless women that have absolutely nothing to do with the movie
-Sex scene that has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the movie
-The man taking off the clown mask that has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the movie
-The skinny dipping scene, where the guy says something incredibly dirty to the girl
-***MY PERSONAL FAVORITE*** ....The line. Believe me, you'll know it when you hear it. It's so dirty...I don't think I've ever heard anything that dirty said in a porno even.
Amazingly, it's a highly watchable movie. There are a few times when the action gets slow, but it generally moves along at a pretty good clip. All the goofs and badness of it make it a great movie to watch with a friend who appreciates B-movies. I'm convinced the two leading actors didn't take this movie too seriously due to what appears to be laughter in some serious scenes, but all the other actors are Russian, and this is probably how they feed their vodka habit. I very much recommend this movie for a good laugh, and nothing more.