Road House
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Movie Reviews of Road House
Movie Review: "Pain Don't Hurt."
Summary: 5 Stars
This movie is so bad, so stupid, so mindless and so gay that it has become an instant classic. Their is so much mano 'a mano action, machismo, testosterone and blind mindless stupidity, violence and bad hair that you wonder why a female is even in the film. This movie is possibly one of the dumbest movies I have ever seen. It is sooooooooooooooo bad and soooooooooooooo stupid that it has actually become a classic.
Let me try to break down the reason that I love/hate this movie so much. First... SWAYZE. Good god, for christ sake he looks like somebody from a ballet/break dancing/gay porn movie and he is picked to be some badass 'legendary' bouncer... with a degree in PHILOSOPHY! This moron is supposedly a college grad who actually has a brain and is intelligent but his job and career path and lifes ambition is to be a journey man bouncer in stinky smelly redneck bars. This goof is so famous for being a bouncer that he is known through out the country for his moronic stupid skills and profession. SWAYZE also has the most horrible mullet of all time. He looks like he gets up every morning and spends 3 hours to get his mullet "just right". For god sake he has the same hair style as his leading lady in the movie!!!! Also his fighting style looks like something out of West Side Story. It is more ballet than martial arts. And when he actually fights his nemesis, the right hand man of evil Ben Gazarra they look more like they are doing a primal ritualistic mating dance and when they are threatening each other and trying to intimidate each other they appear like they may start pounding each other vigorously and I don't mean in combat. Then you have the great dialogue like "pain don't hurt" and the repetitive unfunny running joke, "I thought you'd be taller". Good god! Who wrote this crap! The fact that they have females in the movie is a total joke because Dalton appears to be interested in only one thing truely and that is dominating and engaging in man on man physical contact. Oh and don't let me forget his shirtless tai chi as the evil villian watches the every move of his oiled pecs. And the fact that he finishes off his main nemesis in a fight, near a lake with grey cotten sweat pants on and that he has an obvious boner as he pummels the bad guy submission is one of the most unitentionally funny things ever filmed. SWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYZE!
I can't go on. This movie is so bad and is so unintentionally gay or homoerotic (I think... but who knows what was in the mind of the writer and director) that it is a must see and a 5 star movie. It confuses me because it IS so bad and so moronic and so macho and so completely dumb from head to toe that it is great.
What the hell Sam Elliot and Ben Gazarra are doing in something this dumb is beyond me. I can't even figure out why Red West, legendary best friend, high school buddy and body guard of Elvis is doing in this stupid movie. Swayze is perfect because he is a hack actor and just what an 80's action star should be: 1)gay 2)feminine 3)stupid 4) a bad actor 5)able to deliver the dumbest of lines with all the believability in his soul can muster.
JESUS THIS MOVIE IS STUPID!
Movie Review: 80s Excess + Cheese + Action = Guilty Pleasure!
Summary: 4 Stars
As other reviewers have pointed out, Road House is hardly worthy of any awards, but boy, is it an enjoyable ride! It's like a train wreck that you just can't tear yourself away from.
Patrick Swayze, who was the It Guy back in the late 80s, stars as philosophy spouting, NYU educated cooler Dalton. Not to be confused with a bouncer, Dalton comes in only when the bouncers have too much on their plates. Apparently his specialty is cleaning up honky tonk cesspools, by "taking out the trash" and making them into "enjoyable" money-making ventures. Dalton is apparently so good at his job that he is known by one name only and apparently his reputation preceeds him. Indeed - - Dalton later tells the town doctor that he is only good at one thing (and no, it isn't that - - it's fighting). Which provides one of the many conflicts in this movie - - Dalton is renowned for his cooling skills and fighting, but at the same time he preaches peace, reads philosophy books and practices Tai Chi.
Many impracticalities aside, the film is chock full of great music (Jeff Healey), fight scenes, nudity (male and female), big trucks, overacting, drinking, breaking glass, lots and lots of cigarette smoking and, did I say, overacting?
Dalton shows up in small, stereotypical rednecky Jasper, to clean up the local dive bar more commonly known as the Double Deuce, which is apparently the ONLY bar in town. He runs in to the predictable problems, from employees that steal, deal drugs, pick fights to the usual bad guy who runs the whole town, played by Ben Gazzara who has a strange fetish for fedora hats in this movie. Along the way, he meets and promptly falls for the town doctor, played by Kelly Lynch who is about as believable as an emergency room doctor as Dalton's fellow one-named wonder Madonna would be. To make matters worse, not only does "Doc" have a fondness for wearing girlie dresses that were hijacked from a tablecloth sale (think red gingham), but she was formerly involved with Bad Guy Ben Gazzara - - who still carries a torch for her. Her godawful fashion sense aside, it really makes you wonder how intelligent this lady doc could be, getting involved with the local scumbucket. This alone should make Dalton jump in his Mercedes and leave town pronto, but of course, he digs his heels in and determines that he must make a stand against the town bully. Which is all fine and dandy, but why on earth didn't the residents of the town ever think to do that before Dalton showed up?
Sam Elliot makes a much too brief appearance as Dalton's mentor, Wade. Although the role is small and nearly as ridiculous and stereotypical as the rest of the roles, Sam Elliot is always a joy to watch and has to be one of the most underrated actors ever to appear on the screen.
The film wraps up with the predictable conclusion, giving us an inside look to the town bully's inner compound, which is surprisingly spartan and cheesey. The Double Deuce has also cleaned up quite nicely, with lines and lines of non-parolee type clientele waiting to get in (WHERE did these people come from?)
If you are looking for a serious film, stay away . . . stay far, far away. But if you want some mindless, cheesey fun - - a film that is almost campy but takes itself seriously, Road House is a great answer. There is some violence and the aforementioned nudity - - and of course language - - but once the 80s ended, they quit making them like this!
Movie Review: Outstanding Western via martial arts! Fast gun cleans up the town!
Summary: 5 Stars
This is a great western! The town too tough to tame..the fast gun hired to clean up the town, and make it a decent place. The outlaw gang strikes back! The odds are just too long for one man, so the sidekick is called in to help. Fast gun finds true love, but she knows he can't win, and wants to run away with him to save him. He's ready to leave, but they get his sidekick. And now a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.
"High Noon" as an American martial arts movie.. Terrific movie.
Movie Review: Worthy 4-Star Entertainment
Summary: 4 Stars
I do agree this could be the greatest B-movie ever. It has great violence, killer music, two hotties, and solid acting. What else could you possibly want in this type of genre?
Patrick Swayze stars in what I would argue is his best role. Disagree? What else would you suggest...DIRTY DANCING? Oh, please. For a chick flick perhaps, but nothing else. Take a hard look at the movies he's done and you'll see what I mean. Anyway, Swayze plays this role to the hilt utilizing his athletic prowess and martial arts skills effectively throughout the movie. His acting is solid and as believable as could be asked for considering the script.
Kelly Lynch is a bit skinny for my tastes, but still looks hot. That's all that is needed from her and she comes through. As an extra treat, the film also boasts Julie Michaels in her film debut; she has gone on to be a successful stunt actor and still looks unbelievably hot (check out her website if you don't believe me).
Next, you have the wonderful talents of Sam Elliot (always a great character actor), Red West, and Ben Gazzara (solid bad guy). Plus, a chuck of excellent small part actors that you'll probably recognize who all do a great job in their roles.
Lastly, let not forget about the soundtrack and performances from the Jeff Healey Band. Watching them perform is a treat; their studio albums are very good for those that like blues/rock.
Simply, this is a movie for guys who like movies...period. Oh, and chicks will love it too. Enjoy!
Movie Review: A Splendid Target for MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER
Summary: 2 Stars
I laughed my way all through ROAD HOUSE. If you stop to consider all of the cliches that this film manages to cram into its running time, you will realize that, as one reviewer put it, it is the mother of all B-movies. We've got a little bit of everyting: a hardcore bouncer with a degree in philosophy, a smart female doctor that falls for the bouncer, an evil mob boss set on terrorizing a small hick town, a bar in the middle of nowhere that attracts hundreds of people every night, an attempt by the mob boss to run an old man off his land, etc. In fact, I'm not sure why I keep calling the antagonist an evil "mob" boss. He isn't a mob boss. At least that might make some sense (even though we're in the middle of nowhere). Instead, he is portrayed as a type of dictator, fully exercising his control over the town. Given the "quality" of this picture, I expected this evil man to tie the female doctor to some railroad tracks, after twisting his evil mustache, and wait for Swayze to come save the day!
I can't recommend ROAD HOUSE. It is not a good film But, it does entertain. You have to give it that. I don't know why, but it's a lot of fun to watch this film. It is a fun that is sort of like the kind of kick you get out of watching MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER. It's fun to make cracks at this film and watch it crash and burn. I'm not one who normally knocks a film for its lack of believability, but ROAD HOUSE doesn't even try to keep it in the ballpark. This results in a decently entertaining film, but one that really can't provide any decent thrills.