Movie Reviews for Python II

Python II

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Movie Reviews of Python II

Movie Review: MONTY'S MORE FRIGHTENING
Summary: 1 Stars

Okay, we open with this brother American army dude telling these Russain soldiers what their mission is: capture (not kill) a huge python that somehow got thrown out of a plane and landed in Russia? Then we have this big fight scene where we hardly ever see the snake; unfortunately, with the major supporting cast being Russian or something, we can't hardly ever understand what they are saying. Then, when they load the snake onto a plane, some Russian rebels for no apparent reason shoot the plane down and the snake ends up in a Russian laboratory. Next we meet Dana Ashbrook as an American ex-baseball player who is now running a transport service with his Russian wife. They meet the irrepressible William Zabka as some kind of American dude who hires them to transport something (obviously the snake)...from here on, it's simply a matter of chasing and dodging the snake(s)---where did the other one come from! Whew!
Here's the bottom line:
STORY: Miserably constructed; the ex-baseball player obviously hit somebody so hard with one of his pitches that he is now paralyzed? Oh, boy! Score: 0
CAST: Poor William Zabka. This guy has played bad since his debut in KARATE KID, and it's a shame. He has a tough guy, yet boyish good looks, but he always plays the butthole. Let's give him a movie where he is the hero for a change. Dana Ashbrook of FALCON CREST has always been one of those actors who manages to constantly annoy me; his scene where he throws the bomb into the snake's mouth is one of the funniest scenes I've witnessed in a horror movie; come on! The rest of the cast is Russian, so who knows if they were any good or not. SCORE: 2 (for Zabka only).
TECHNICAL: Poor, to say the least.
DIRECTION: What? Did somebody helm this movie? SCORE: 0

Movie Review: Not the worst movie ever, but by far the most inept.
Summary: 1 Stars

I can't solemnly swear that I actually watched all of Python II, rather after ten minutes I screwed around on amazon.com etc and just listened to the dialogue and checking out the screen every 30 seconds or so.

Do I really need to tell you that plot (involving, *gasp* the military!) is simplistic contrived and lame? That it will find inconsequential characters in the bowels of a facility? That we learn most of their names when they die and another character screams "Mike! That the special effects on the covor are about as good as the ones in the film? That the dialogue is like listening to a parrot strapped into a cuisinart? Or that the score uses snare drums when the military men appear? Or that there is not an iota of tension, fear or humor?

I mean, c'mon... the film is called PYTHON II (do I need to tell you that the roman numeral 2 is actually a pair of red slash marks?)

It's worse than Carnosaur.....

It's not however, the worst film ever made. It isn't offensive, just jaw-dropping, shockingly, mind-bogglingly awful, and an utter waste of time.

By the way, if you and your buds are looking to get drunk and make fun of a bad horror film for kicks don't come near this... I recommend JEEPERS CREEPERS 2 for that

Movie Review: HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!
Summary: 1 Stars

this was a terrible sequel to a pretty good movie. it begins with a group of russian soldiers and an american commander leading them, how chessy, go looking for the snake to capture it and make some dough. they are successful at doing so but when they get it on a plane and ship it to america some dumb russians come along and shoot the plane down.then they bring it to some facility. when greg larson(zabka) finds out that the snake got out he tries to find it and kill it. he takes a few tourists along with him(ashbrook) and some other russian person and go hunting for it. the weirdest thing is the 2nd snake. it justs comes out of no where all of a sudden. he all of a sudden comes along when the other snake gets 1 of the guys and starts eating him and the other snake juts comes out of no where and starts eatin him 2. in genereal this was a horrible movie with awful effects and terrible acting. for the love of god do not see this movie.

Movie Review: Why doesn't the world just end?
Summary: 1 Stars

It blew my expectations into a million pieces, much like the million pieces of fragmented plot and poor acting. One 80 foot snake can fit into a box the size of a refrigerator, and still have room to coil and attack male nurses who are inexplicably in a military base.
It is interesting to note that of the list of four cast members profiled in special features, one is in the first ten minutes of the movie only.