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Movie Reviews of One Missed CallMovie Review: YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME?!? Summary: 2 Stars
Us horror loving freaks wait and wait for the next big scare. If you are like me and you hold your breath for the next scary flick, then you are going to die for lack of oxygen with this film. The story line is so shallow that I was able to guess every second of the movie. Come on folks...a cell phone message from yourself sometimes hours or days before your death? Oh and wait a second here...it is coming from a naughty bad girl ghost. Better yet...mommy comes and gets her in the end. Ludicrous story line people! Sorry to give you the spoiler's folks but trust me when I say to avoid this film!
Movie Review: Cancel This Service Summary: 1 Stars
"Awful bloody film. I say, it's just a ridiculous premise. What would happen if your mobile phone killed you? Why would a mobile phone kill anyone? Doesn't make sense. How can a mobile phone have an agenda and kill people?" ~ Aldous Snow
Words of the wise. Sure, the quote from something substantial might not have poked directly towards this movie, but it certainly fits the bill. The premise for "One Missed Call" really was stupid. What's next: death by GPS, or death by having your name typed on an occult website for grieving victims---oh wait, that last one actually happened. HOW the premise came to be was the real threshold to this disaster: a ghostly figure kills people by leaving voice messages on their cellphone, hearing their last words before their imminent death two days from now; it goes through one victim after another, all in a manner that reminded me so much like the "Final Destination" movies, as well as other Japanese horror remakes. The reasons behind the ghostly figure and its motivation made no sense. A cell phone may have multiple contacts, so did it target all of them or only plot-specific characters on the list? Why does it target its preys and what do they have to do with the ghost's plight? Why did it need to have the corpse press the phone keys when it was established in the beginning it can do that on its own? The movie tried its earnest to diverge the quote above (taking off the battery, smashing the phone, and throwing it away doesn't help), but it didn't avoid the obvious one: LEAVE THE PHONE ALONE!
The deaths in this movie are shoddy, and personally they were insulting. I know this is PG-13 so it has to be as tamed as horror can be, but when a victim got pierced by a sharp metal object and no blood came out on both its mouth and the area that was pierced (it was clearly shot, mind you), I had to roll my eyes in disgust. The movie had a sub-plot about the lead girl's abusive mother, but the story didn't really do anything with it. Also, the resolution made the entire quest of survival pointless; not uncommon in horror films, but this one is so anticlimactic and forced that I felt like the movie needed to have one more scare. There's nothing to take from this movie, not even the eye-candy; "One Missed Call" is built entirely on a premise, and the premise itself is unfeasible, and that's why it failed.
Movie Review: NO! I Don't Need New Long Distance! Summary: 1 Stars
I really tried to remain as open minded as possible when I popped this film in because I kept hoping it would end up being better than Takashi Miike's mediocre mess, how hard could it be right? I mean when Hollywood remakes fantastic films fans can pretty much expect the worst but in this particular case they had the opportunity to only improve things.
Unfortunately, yet another J-Horror remake was flubbed. No big surprise really. One Missed Call delivers insulting product placement (Boost Mobile) aimed at children with disposable income, absolutely moronic characters that commit senseless acts of unimaginable stupidity, a criminally underutilized Ray Wise and a finale that ends up being a jumbled, convoluted mess. Sossamon and Burns' one-dimensional characters were hard to connect with (even with Sossamon's lame back story) and when all was said and done I found myself enjoying only two sequences. Two nifty sequences do not make a movie though.
I was incredibly disappointed with this film and it's just another disappointment in what seems to be a very long line of disappointments when it comes to Hollywood remakes of superior Japanese filmmaking. Isn't it funny that Miike's blow-off cinema is still better than the big budget remake steamers Hollywood drops? There's just nothing here worth seeing folks, I wouldn't lie to ya. If I thought this was a good film, I'd say so. Now, I won't exaggerate and insist this is the worst piece of trash I've ever seen but it is most definitely the stupidest film I've seen in a good many months.
Movie Review: One movie I should have missed... Summary: 1 Stars
Perhaps I've seen too many horror movies, but this one just didn't do much for me. Though the idea was new-ish (premonitions of death are old hat, but this might be the first case of them being delivered via cell phone) it just fails to be the slightest bit scary or even suspenseful. And when it was all explained at the end I was left with an 'okay, what?' feeling - never a good thing.
I don't think there was enough coherency to the plot, which was stretched a bit thin to... well, I don't know why it was so thin. It could have been more well-developed, more interesting, and still fit the basic premise. But in trying to shock (the main character's past and the whole nanny-cam revelation) I think they lost whatever momentum they had (which, to be fair, was very little).
And despite understanding that you do have to give a little in the logic department when it comes to horror movies, there are too many things that just didn't make sense. The overriding one being: why? Evil being evil just isn't that interesting, it's a story you can see played out on the 6 o'clock news. Give me an interesting, compelling explanation, realistic or not, and you might just scare me. As it is, this is a movie that I won't even give a second thought.
Movie Review: One Missed Opportunity Summary: 1 Stars
Yet another Asian influenced horror flick in which the dead communicate via technology. Come on, I surrender already.
This film had a number of eerie images that definitely linger in your head when the film is over, but they can't carry a film with a silly premise and the background story of the main character who is afraid to look through peep holes seems like it belongs in another film. It's as if they tried to use the "tortured soul who must overcome a personal fear" concept often used by Alfred Hitchcock. It was a shallow attempt to make their film somehow meaningful.
I often like Asian influenced horror films as I just like their look and the American star usually do a decent job, but this is a disaster from the opening sequence. No one is believable in their roles, there is no suspense whatsoever, and the background story simply doesn't belong in this film. Except for some haunting images of dead people walking the streets at unexpected times there is nothing noteworthy about this film.
Mercifully, this film is only 85 minutes.
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