Night Patrol
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Movie Reviews of Night Patrol
Movie Review: Childhood memories die hard
Summary: 2 Stars
Here's a great idea. Let's take a bunch of washed up actors from the 1970s and early 1980s, and put them in a "Police Academy" style slapstick comedy. Then let's make sure to have HBO run the film on a perpetual loop for a year or two in order to convince an entire generation of pre-teens that our project is the height of hilarity. Well, why not? Jackie Kong's "Night Patrol" came out in 1984, at roughly the same time similarly themed films like "Police Academy," "Police Academy 2," "Airplane," "Airplane II," "Bachelor Party," and "Stewardess School" swept cable audiences off their feet. I've fond memories, and I see I'm not alone, of kicking back during the hot summer months and watching these cheesy classics day after day on cable. And let's face facts: who among us can ever get enough of Steve Guttenberg, Judy Landers, Robert Hays, or any of the other second and third tier performers who appeared in these schlock films? The problem with "Night Patrol," however, is the lack of second or third tier talent. What we've got here are celebrities from the 1970s one step away from doing dinner theater in Coral Gables or cutting the ribbon at a supermarket opening in Topeka, Kansas.
"Night Patrol" follows the "comedic" adventures of one Officer Melvin White (Murray Langston), a nervous, skinny cop who can't ever seem to get a break. Right from the start of the film, we learn that no one respects Officer White. He pulls over some raving lunatic driving a car while wearing a straightjacket who promptly curses our hero out in French. Good old Officer White just smiles it all off and lets the guy back out on the road. Several other similar incidents follow, convincing us that Melvin is not only an inept police officer but also a blithering idiot. White's life suddenly changes when he's teamed up with a laconic cop named Kent Lane (Pat Paulsen), a ladies man prone to engage in equally stupid hijinks, to work the night shift. To make matters worse, Melvin doesn't know how to approach the gorgeous Officer Sue Perman (Linda Blair) for a date, nor does he know how to deal with the authoritarian precinct commander, Captain Lewis (Billy Barty). There's some nonsense about Melvin wanting something more out of his job than working the night patrol, but I don't really remember what it is. It's not important anyway since the paper-thin plotlines exist solely as a vehicle for the lamest sight gags ever imagined.
The gags fly fast and furious in "Night Patrol," and they are gags in the truest sense of the word--as in gagging in horror at the pedestrian jokes in this movie. There are jokes about Captain Lewis's penchant for releasing a little--how to say this--hot air from time to time. There are jokes about Officer Lane's ability to bag the babes. While all of this nonsense unfolds with horrifying inexorability, we learn a few things about Melvin. While he's out patrolling the streets, some schmuck known as the Unknown Comic is making a killing at the local comedy clubs. Telling jokes that only a public of morons could truly appreciate, the wiseacre with a paper bag on his head also appears to be involved in a string of robberies. As the film goes on we come to suspect that Melvin White and the Unknown Comic are one and the same. Of course, you'll only experience this revelation if you watch the film from start to finish, something I strongly advise against. Your best bet with this film is to watch roughly the first half and then hit eject on your DVD player. For some inexplicable reason, the film radically changes focus about halfway through. Not that the first part is that great, mind you, but it's head and shoulders above the horror that starts midway through.
Most of the humor in the film, and I use that term loosely, is of a quality and sort best left unexamined here. I can say that topless women run about in nearly every other scene not so much for jokes but for cheap thrills, and frankly this movie needs whatever help it can get. Kitten Natividad's appearance, for instance, doesn't do much to move the plot along but does give the male viewer at least a minor respite from the banality on display. Pat Morita and Jaye P. Morgan turn up in minor roles that do nothing positive for their fading careers, and Murray Langston grates so heavily on the nerves that one wishes to reach through the television screen in order to beat the tar out of him. I'm essentially disavowing any knowledge of Pat Paulsen after seeing him in this dreck. Not that he had much of a career, anyway, seeing as how his main claim to fame was a couple of cheesy sketches on the old Smothers Brothers show and those runs for president every four years. I'm extremely disappointed to see Linda Blair trapped in tripe like this. Typecast due to her role in "The Exorcist," she's spent the rest of her life trying to escape that movie's reputation. Don't give up, Linda.
I'm being slightly harder on this film than I should. I mean, I did enjoy it as a youngster, and I did find at least one series of gags funny when I watched it recently. This was the part where Melvin and Kent eat in that sleazy diner and their waiter kills a fly with a spatula, cleans one of the cop's knives by rubbing it under his sweaty armpit, and pulls that "roach" out of the soup. I chuckled faintly, but at least I chuckled once. The rest of the film is an exercise in endurance, and I again recommend giving this one a pass unless you need to prove to yourself how much of an idiot you were as a kid.
Movie Review: Not even for the comedic value.....
Summary: 2 Stars
It is hard to believe that there are this many people hung up on this 3rd generation HBO Police Squad hacking (not Police Academy as the box mentions - that would be an insult). I love a good smutty joke, however, not only are these dated, they are 3rd grade level, moronic. I chuckled at the Sperm Bank gag and a couple other bits, but this does not deserve 4 to 5 stars. Blazing Saddles deserves 5 stars -The Jerk deserves 5 stars, Spinal Tap deserves 5 stars, Old School dererves 4 stars....I hope people are getting the point here.Movie Review: NIGHT PATROL
Summary: 2 Stars
I SAW THIS MOVIE WHEN I WAS YOUNGER,MOSTLY FOR LINDA BLAIR.AFTER SEENING IT AGAIN,I PROBABLY WOULD NOT HAVE BOUGHT THIS MOVIE.IT IS A CHEESY,CORNY MOVIE.THERE WERE SOME FUNNY PARTS IN IT.BUT AFTER SEENING IT AGAIN I PROBABLY WON'T LET IT TAKE UP ANY SPACE ON MY SHELVES.