Kingdom Of The Spiders
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Movie Reviews of Kingdom Of The Spiders
Movie Review: William Shatner vs. thousands of evil spiders?!! I'm sold!!
Summary: 3 Stars
"I've never seen anything like it!" -That must be the most said line in the film! To be honest I've never seen anything like it either, well maybe a little like it. Right before Director John "Bud" Carlos teamed with Tobe Hooper for "The Dark" (1979) he blessed the cheezy b horror film genre with this little number from 1977. The story, penned by the writer who gave us "Village of the Giants" (1965) & "Evil Knievel" (1971) as well as the co-writer of a western starring Kenny Rogers!, concerns a small desert farm town being overrun by extremely hungry and ill-tempered tarantulas. William Shatner leads the cast as Rack Hansen, the town vet with a cowboy hat. Woody Strode (Draba from Spartacus) plays local farmer Walter Colby who begins losing his livestock to the horrible poisonous spiders! This one has many alluring elements: Cheese, people being attacked by tarantulas and totally flipping out, country music, thousands of real tarantulas, webs, Shatner not only talking like a cowboy, but also reacting to vicious man-eating spiders like only he could! Actually, he's not as over the top as Captain Kirk, but like Kirk, Rack manages to put moves on a female amidst all the terror! Definitely recommended for fans of Shatner and of "the town is being taken over by..." movies.The 2002 Goodtimes DVD is impressive for this film. I rented this on VHS at a video store that doesn't exist anymore and no one else has it. Imagine my surprise when I saw it on DVD! The film is presented in a Standard screen version only with chapter selection, not to mention great keep case art - Shatner kneeling over a woman covered in spiders! The DVD is inexpensive as Goodtimes DVDs are and if you like it or even think you will, I can recommend it for purchase. The image transfer isn't perfect (there's the odd jump that's in the orginal film most likely), but face it, its not getting any better than this. We're lucky to have it on digital at all! Check out that last shot when Shatner prys the boards off the window and looks out onto the town! Also recommended: Devil's Rain (1975) - Shatner vs. cloaked devil worshipper Ernest Borgnine! Also a DVD cheapie. Film debut of John Travolta as Danny, the eyeless & mute devil worshipper! Tom Skerrit and Eddie Albert decide to join the fight against evil as well! How can you miss this one Other "they're taking over..." films:
Frogs (1972) - Oh no! the frogs don't like us!, Squirm (1976) - Oh wow! It's worms!, Swarm (1978) - Oh no! I've been stung by killer bees!, Them (1954) - Oh no! those are very large ants Grizzly (1976) - Oh dear lord!, that is one giant bear!
Attack of the killer tomatoes! (1978) - Oh my! fresh veggies!
Movie Review: Shatner, A Cow, And The Worst Matte Painting In History
Summary: 3 Stars
I had seen this many years ago on television. Now that I am a more refined and mature aficionado of bad cinema, I thought I might appreciate this film more, so I bought a copy. Actually, I still find the zillions of tarantulas in the film to be quite nasty, and the acting to be of a similar quality.
Shatner is in fine form here as a veterinarian with a ridiculous name (which is explained in a long, yet pointless, story) in a dusty desert ranching town. The town is about the least desirable place on earth to live, so to liven the picture up a bit there are subplots about chemical toilets and a cow in the back seat of a Ford Galaxie 500, among other diversions from the main theme of marauding spiders.
I found it especially amusing that the (supposedly) hot babe scientist from the university who was the most knowledgeable expert on spiders on the planet (and who, of course, is the love interest for Shatner) continuously refers to spiders as "insects," which, of course they are not. (They are arachnids.)
I will give the producers one thing, they certainly found lots of novel ways to get the spiders onscreen (my favorites were the child in the swing scene and the kitchen ventilation scene), but mostly I got a bit bored with the gross little critters after a while.
The movie has some moments of genuine creepiness, but on balance the special effects (especially the cocoons) are laughable, which brings me to the finale. The last, very ambiguous (sequel fodder), scene is one of my favorites of high camp cheese cinema of all time: the matte painting of the town is one of the most poorly executed bits of screen "magic" that I have ever seen. In fact, it really is the most enjoyable scene in the entire movie, and is far superior to seeing Bill Shatner endlessly wrestle with rogue arachnids.
I give the film three stars, it is a bit boring and repetitive to be truly great camp cinema, but it does have a few disgustingly creepy spider scenes. There are better and worse movies out there. If you like watching Shatner rave, this is a good choice. If you like endless scenes of tarantulas in great swarms, this is also a good choice. If you want real entertainment this is perhaps not such a good choice.
Movie Review: "This whole country's swarming with those damn things."
Summary: 3 Stars
Note to self: if I'm ever trapped in a house covered by millions of tarantulas and I hear a strange sound coming from an overhead air vent DO NOT stand directly beneath the vent and open it.
Local vet William Shatner is dumbfounded when he finds his small sleepy desert town under attack by a tidal wave of icky spiders. The invasion starts out slow enough but instead of doing anything productive ol' Shat prefers to mack on all the females and drink a little cold beer. The reality of the eight legged onslaught comes soon enough but by that time it's too late and everybody just runs around screaming a lot.
As far as Animals Gone Bad movies go I'd give this one 2 1/2 Giant Lepus out of 5. Shatner gives a reserved (and therefore disappointing) performance. And while the spiders themselves are impressive in their numbers they never really do anything but walk around really slow, but the biggest disappointment is the time wasted with the slow build up and then right when things look like they're going to liven up the [...]in' movie just ends! What the [...]?! That's horse[...]!
Overall it's a fun watch and we got some good laughs out of it, but it leaves a lot to be desired. The Goodtimes DVD has an acceptable picture, but it's in Full Screen (boo!) and there are zero [...]ing extras (double-[...]in'-boo!!).
Movie Review: Fun 'n Cheesy "Chiller Theater" Flick
Summary: 3 Stars
I saw this on the boob tube when I was a little tot and never forgot it; especially the ending. Wow. I loved it. Never forgot the last scene. Not what I expected.
I will not spoil the ending like other reviewers. (You know who you are, and you should warn folks by typing SPOILER ALERT or something similiar before screwing it up for other people. It's a shame that it doesn't occur to your little brain that someone may not have seen the movie and doesn't want to know how it ends.)
That being said, this is one of those silly horror movies to throw on when you feel like a campy/creepy 1970's frightfest ...with a memorable final shot.
I grew up in the 70's/80's, and loved those spooky late night b-movie shows on TV. It's great that these old 'chiller theater' titles are being released on disc. There should be a TV channel that plays these old films again, like a Horror Network. But then we'd have commercials, so dvd is definitely preferred.
Movie Review: ANOTHER REASON NOT TO LIVE IN ARIZONA.
Summary: 3 Stars
IF ONLY PARAMOUNT PICTURES STARTED PRODUCING THOSE STAR TREK MOVIES A FEW YEARS SOONER, WILLIAM SHATNER COULD HAVE AVOIDED THIS HOCUS POCUS OPUS. THEY STEREOTYPE REDNECKS IN THIS FILM AS TOBACCO JUICE SPITTING GEEKS, BEER GUZZLING SHERIFFS AND CHEESY SWINGERS. PEDOPHILES WILL LOVE ONE PARTICULAR OUTDOOR SCENE IN THE DESSERT OF A CAMERA SHOT OF A LITTLE GIRL, WHO THANKFULLY, WAS NOT WEARING A DRESS BUT RATHER, SUMMER SHORTS. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE DIRECTOR OF THIS FILM WAS THINKING WHEN HE INCLUDED THIS SHOT. THIS HAD TO BE ONE OF THOSE FILMS THAT PAID BILL SHATNER'S RENT IN THE LEAN YEARS BETWEEN THE STAR TREK TV SHOW AND STAR TREK FILMS. IT IS JUST BARELY WATCHABLE. I WOULD SAY THAT MOVIES LIKE WILLARD AND FROGS AND NIGHT OF THE LEPUS ARE BETTER FILMS THAN KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS BY A FEW PERCENTAGE POINTS. SCOTTY, BEAM ME OUT!