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Kingdom Of The Spiders by John 'Bud' Cardos
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DVD Cover InformationActor: David McLean, Lieux Dressler, Tiffany Bolling, William Shatner, Woody Strode Director: John 'Bud' Cardos Brand: Gaiam DVD: Region Code 1 Audio: English (Unknown); English (Original Language) Format: Color, Dolby, DVD, NTSC Picture Format: 1.33:1 Running Time: 95 minutes DVD Release Date: 2003-09-16 Audience Rating: PG (Parental Guidance Suggested) Studio: Good Times Video
Movie Reviews of Kingdom Of The SpidersMovie Review: Shatner, King Of Spiders Summary: 5 Stars
When faced with the absolute magnificence one witnesses in this film, it's difficult to find the words needed to express such joy, let alone organize them in any manner. I feel a rush of sensations, all blindly driving my passions into a whirlwind of pleasure. Yes, the great William Shatner stars in this outing, and his impeccable acting alone is worthy of admission costs, but surprisingly, he is upstaged by two things: hordes of tarantulas stealing the scenes, and the most exquisitely cultivated male scream you will EVER encounter.
In one solitary scene, this movie lays waste to every other cinematic achievement in the history of motion pictures. The town's mayor has hired a crop-dusting pilot to spray deadly insecticide across the region infested with tarantulas, thus ensuring the annual local fair will proceed as scheduled, but our eight-legged protaganists counter with a deadly plan that transforms the pilot's cockpit into a tomb. In his final moments, this heroic, godlike vision of a man is swarmed by warmly embracing arachnids, and he unleashes the grandest of all screams. He continues to evoke his heavenly shrieking for the entire duration of his glorious exit from the realm of the living. I'm left speechless when attempting to describe the sheer beauty of this scene, but every creature walking this earth is but a mere speck of dust in comparison to the divine frequency unlocked by this man's diaphragm. This, without question, is the peak of cinematic mastery.
The rest of the movie is not without value either. The work of William Shatner is a configuration of talent that needs no introduction, for he is admired by the masses, worshipped as an artistic genius, and for his very existence we are all unworthy to serve as viewers. His role in this movie need not be discussed, for it goes without saying that his time onscreen is comparable to a sultan's ransom in fine jewels. Only a sheer fool will deny this. I am no fool.
I am also indebted to this film for the knowledge it has bestowed upon me. In the case that I, or my loved ones, were ever to be trapped in a ranch-styled hotel/restaurant blanketed by deadly tarantulas, we are now fully educated with the proper means of survival. First, and most importantly, if you're carrying a handgun, and a tarantula is biting your opposing hand, the best thing to do is shoot this hand off as gorily as possible. After evaluating this scenario countless times, I can see no better way to handle the situation. Second, if a ceiling vent appears to be blocked by tarantulas, the best thing to do is remove the vent while standing directly underneath it, so as to provide a landing space for the falling beasts, as this will better allow you to assess the situation, rather than allowing the spiders freedom to land elsewhere. The third and final lesson to be mentioned here is that if you're driving, and suddenly realise that tarantulas are crawling across your flesh, the quickest and most logical solution is to drive off the nearest cliff, and pray that flames will consume the scoundrels.
The quality of the dvd release is exceptional. There is footage present which I had not seen in previous releases, or even on television as a child. The picture quality is perfect, as well as the audio, and although some will complain about a lack of "extra" features, I am more than happy just being able to see the movies I grew up with in pristine shape. All other movies cower at the mention of this film, and it's impossible to deny this reality. Perfection is too light of a term to confine the overwhelming qualities of this magical cinematic experience, so rush out and enlighten yourself to the absolute grandeur of KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS.
Summary of Kingdom Of The SpidersKINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS
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