Inseminoid (aka Horror Planet)

Inseminoid (aka Horror Planet)
by Norman J. Warren

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Movie Reviews of Inseminoid (aka Horror Planet)

Movie Review: Cheese city here, folks
Summary: 4 Stars

On some distant planet in the distant future, an archeological expedition made up of males and females digs up a world of hurt in a series of tunnels near their recently inhabited base. One of the guys nosing around in a tunnel unearths some weird looking crystals, and goes completely bonkers after touching them. The other members of the expedition express the requisite amount of concern for their mentally damaged and recently deceased co-worker, but that doesn't stop them from continuing to muck around in a situation of increasing danger. Instead of hiding away in the research facility to await the arrival of a rescue ship, the crew decides to find out exactly what is going on. Too bad for them. It turns out that some mushroom shaped alien life form (see the cover of the DVD) has decided to emerge from its hibernation, hiding place, or wherever it has been in order to wreak havoc on the gullible humans. The hideous being hurts a few people before casting its lascivious eye on Sandy (Judy Geeson), deciding to "inseminate" her (chuckle) so he can have a few children. Before you groan with derision, and you will groan often while watching the film, it is after this incident that "Inseminoid" gears up to a snail's pace.

Sandy flips her lid after her experience with the creature. "Hey, so would I if I just had a sexual experience with an alien" you might say, and you would be right in part until you discover what Sandy gets up to. She starts roaming around the byzantine tunnels of the research facility in search of her fellow crewmembers because the growing embryos inside clamor for the nurturing taste of human blood. Bodies fall spouting blood and guts as Sandy insidiously tracks down her prey. The lady uses explosives to blast through metal doors, lays in ambush, acts as though she is in peril in order to lure unknowing humans to her, and generally makes a huge nuisance of herself. A diminishing group of survivors frantically monitors the deteriorating conditions in the corridors of the base from a sealed off control chamber while desperately hoping help arrives in time. Predictably, Sandy gives birth to her alien offspring--twins, by the way--before finally succumbing to one of her comrades. The "twist" ending not only fails to surprise, it fails in an excruciatingly banal way. Anyone who claims "Inseminoid" doesn't rip-off "Alien" should have their head examined.

"Inseminoid" boasts several memorable elements worth noting here. One concerns the presence of actress Victoria Tennant among the cast. She only shows up briefly--just long enough to pick up her paycheck, one supposes--so you have to keep your eyes open. The idea that this actress could go from a cheesefest like "Inseminoid" to movies like "All of Me" in the space of three years simply boggles the mind. Only Kim Cattrall could boast of a similar seismic shift in cinematic priorities with her trek from "Porky's" to "Sex in the City," and that took nearly twenty years. If you tire of looking for Tennant, tide yourself over with the hysterical overacting from Judy Geeson's character. Bette Davis near the end of her career couldn't beat this energetic actress's hammy performance as the doomed Sandy. She shrieks, she cries, she bellows, she cackles, she plots--what a thespian! I alternated from saying things like "Oh, knock it off!" to general laughter as I watched Geeson emote herself into a tizzy. Yep, these two elements, combined with set pieces that looked like they were taken from a roller rink circa 1975 and the cheesy special effects make "Inseminoid" a worthwhile project for the dedicated film fan.

The DVD edition doesn't offer much in the way of extras. There's a grainy, unrestored trailer and that's about it. At least they offered us a widescreen picture transfer (why, I have no idea), which does look very nice. The audio sounds better than it should. "Inseminoid" is rumored to cause watering eyes, chronic fatigue syndrome, shingles, projectile nasal congestion, headaches, and a host of other annoying ailments to those who watch it more than once. So take my advice: rent the film, watch it once very quickly, and return it with all due haste to the video store. There's no sense causing yourself lingering harm by repeating the experience.

Summary of Inseminoid (aka Horror Planet)