Ice Spiders
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Movie Reviews of Ice Spiders
Movie Review: Cover is decieving
Summary: 3 Stars
The first thing that comes to mind with this movie is that gigantic spiders like the ones on the cover do not appear. The spiders are, obviously, gigantic by spider standards but they are smaller than humans.
A few things happen when people begin to encounter the spiders and something is usually happening in terms of plot. It's not the repetitive "monster(s) appear, someone dies/disappears, monster(s) vanish, survivors have no idea what happened, repeat" formula seen in a lot of other movies.
I found it reasonably entertaining despite the inaccuracy of the front cover.
Movie Review: It has the right ingredients....
Summary: 3 Stars
This movie rides above bad movies, but barely. We have great spider effects, and lots of blood, we have the outdoors, some good skiing scenes.
The script was decent. I rated this one above Roger Cormans movies. The
trouble is the casting...Must be a crappy casting company to come up with
some crappy actors that eventually brings the movie down. Especially near the end of the movie. Dont get me wrong..there was some good acting though. Good acting would make problems more transparent.
So, yes its really worth a viewing, especially for the spiders and skiing.
Movie Review: WHERE'S SPIDER SABICH?
Summary: 3 Stars
This Sci-Fi Channel flick has all the necessary ingredients for a cheesy B movie and utilizes them to the fullest:
*adequate if non-imaginative fx
*bad acting
*somewhat ridiculous script
*dumb people doing dumb things, and last but not least:
*writer/producer/actor Stephen J. Cannell.
ICE SPIDERS doesn't set any new standars for giant bug flix, but it's tale of genetically altered arachnids should please giant bug auteurs.
Movie Review: Crazy Spider Movie
Summary: 3 Stars
If you do not have anything to do and you like spider movies,even if they are bad,this one is for you.The acting is lousy and nothing really positive except watching colorful spiders attack people.Movie Review: America's Newest WMD: Giant F'ing Spiders...
Summary: 2 Stars
This film stars Vanessa Williams, but not THAT Vanessa Williams. It stars someone else named Vanessa Williams and not the one who sang the "Colors of the Wind" song and was on "Ugly Betty". That little nugget of information aside, "Ice Spiders" concerns the goings-on at a ski resort that also happens to share property with a secret government facility that is trying to genetically engineer giant spiders for use in military applications (apparently, as many a bad sci-fi film will attest to, we have learned that the government is constantly spending money on trying to make giant versions of otherwise normal animals. The military doesn't spend money on lasers, bullets, missiles, tanks, planes or helicopters anymore - no, it's giant spiders, scorpions, snakes, alligators, sharks or octopi.) For reasons best known only to the highest brass in military intelligence, these giant mutations are guarded by the very worst the military has to offer and the biggie-sized creatures promptly escape and proceed to go on a rampage, thereby providing us with a movie full of inept reactions to giant CG critters.
No need to fear, though... When the military fails to reign in their wacky science projects, the resistance movement to the giant "Ice Spider" invasion is led by none other than Not-That-Vanessa-Williams (who does not get naked) and our other lead character: `Dash' Dashiel. Yesh, hish name ish `Dash' Dashiel. `Dash' is a former Olympic-caliber skier who, due to a knee injury, now teaches skiing at the resort (presumably, a fate shared by most has-beens and never-weres from the Olympics.) As is expected, his chance at redemption comes later in the film when he has to out-ski various renegade spiders that are out to make a meal of random resort-goers. Honestly, there's not much that happens in this film besides various resort-goers being terrorized by giant spiders that pick them off as they come down the slopes (apparently, no one seems too fazed by giant spiders on the ski slopes - judging by the amount of skiers that happen to just ski right into the maw of a giant spider.) Oh, and it's probably a good time to mention that this film features barely passable CG, so a good amount of laughter comes from seeing horribly rendered giant spiders jump on entirely clueless skiers.
Anyways, the hapless/hopeless army guys of this film proceed to not really control the problem despite superior firepower and it's up to the ski team - led by `Dash' - to save the day in a highly unlikely fashion. This little underdog moment could be the film's comment that sheer ingenuity and guts will win out over adversity as opposed to superior firepower and the full support of the U.S. military and science community, but that's assuming this film has some sort of purpose other than showcasing crappy computer animation. Mostly, I think this sociological comment is an accidental side effect from the writers spending only about 20 minutes crapping out this screenplay (after all, they say that enough monkeys locked in a room with typewriters will eventually type out the complete works of William Shakespeare. Personally, I don't really care for a monkey's regurgitation of the Bard - however, I am interested in viewing a simian's take on "Ice Spiders"! Maybe some Giant Apes will show up and wreck shop on a few Ice Spiders... Maybe the Giant Apes win the war against the Ice Spiders by hurling feces, eating bananas and wearing cute little diapers that make them look a little more human... Who knows? I'm just saying it'd probably be more interesting than what they did end up going with.)
This film features a highly-annoying kid who attends the ski resort to practice for the Olympics. He's cocky and a real jerk, however, he is never eaten by spiders - which makes the movie kind of a wash, as these kind of characters only exist solely to be eaten by ice spiders. To have this type of character survive is a giant middle finger to the audience, but again, it's a movie about ice spiders. What kind of payoff can you expect that asks you to believe that a giant military research facility is right next door to a highly popular ski resort? It's like building an amusement park right in the middle of a former nuclear test site - sure, it's primo land and you can get it for a song, but having the bulk of your park attendance go home with radiation poisoning is probably PR suicide.... But I digress...
The ice spiders are eventually caught and/or destroyed, but not before several secondary characters get killed by them. The movie ends with no real logical explanation of what the spiders would be used for (according to the movie, they would be deployed in Iraq... but that's about as far as it goes towards an explanation. Adapting the spiders to the cold seems unnecessary considering the abundant lack of ice, snow and heavily-occupied ski resorts in Iraq. Really, it makes me wonder how much research the military does before blowing gobs of taxpayer money on ridiculous defense measures.) Also unclear is how the spiders escaped the military installation in the first place as well as exactly how they survive the immense cold. The movie also makes a big deal about a giant frost warning, but most of the characters run around in ski pants and t-shirts... except for the military dudes - they run around bare-chested in bulletproof vests (sort of like refugees from bad mid-80's power rock bands), so really, no one seems too worried about the bitter cold and it doesn't really seem to matter. The movie ends with some odd flirting between 'Dash' and Not-That-Vanessa-Williams and, even though more than half of the resort was eaten, everyone's in a good mood and our two main characters plan a romantic date. Many laughs ensue and the filmmakers wrongfully assume that there's a desire for an "Ice Spiders" sequel.
The End.