Dracula vs. Frankenstein
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Movie Reviews of Dracula vs. Frankenstein
Movie Review: Hey, King Diamond's newest album.
Summary: 5 Stars
I can remember even as a small child watching it and cringing, recognizing a bad movie before I knew what a bad movie was.
Two initial point of observation:
(A) The dork playing Dracula was the worst Dracula EVER. The Count from Sesame Street makes a more credible vampire, or maybe T.J. Hooker, Matt Houston, Mary Tyler Moore, or even the shark from Jaws. This Dracula eerily resembles King Diamond. I kept waiting for him to tear off with a verse from Abigail or Them. This version of Dracula is portrayed somewhat like a talking mime, complete with three inches of white grease paint, lipstick, and large raccoon-like black patches around the eyes. Additionally, Dracula is the only character in the movie with a built-in echo.
(B) Wow! Frankenstein's Monster resembles Frankenstein's Baked Potato. His face is a bloated, rotten, clenched mess in which features are only minimally identifiable. The Monster is atypically distinguished by the extra-small jacket, heavy shoulder pads, and block-mounted elevator shoes. The Monster's method of attack: Snarling and bellowing, the monster shoves and slaps his victims to death. There is no escape. You will die screaming, your eyeballs pummeled from their sockets.
The plot of this movie, such as it is, involves King Diamond, I mean Dracula, seeking out the modern day descendant of the original Frankenstein. Dracula is interested in having the modern day Frankenstein ply his mad scientist wares on Dracula's behalf. And apparently, for no other reason than to serve the movie title, Dracula wants to exhume the immortal remains of the Monster; fortunately, and conveniently, the Monsters just happens to be buried a stretch down the road in the local graveyard. But the wheelchair-ridden Frankenstein decides he doesn't want to take orders from Count Diamond, I mean Dracula---so Dracula grimly unveils his gigantic plastic-looking silver monster-ring and shoots a poorly-animated lightning bolt at the wall.
Yeah, that's what I thought, Frankenstein, now straighten up.
Mixed into the supernatural intrigue is the blonde woman searching for her missing hippy sister; unbeknownst to her, the sister has in fact been abducted by Frankenstein as test stock for Frankenstein's evil experimentations! The blonde woman is subsequently captured by Dracula and conveyed to Dracula's new lair, the local church (the chosen sanctuary for all vampires). Dracula intends to exsanguinate the blonde woman, but is rebuked when the Monster shows an interest in the captive. Dracula retaliates, brandishing his disproportionately large plastic fangs.
The fight is on, baby! The Thrilla in Salmonella. Tickets by the Boardwalk, just look for the little guy with the hat. Dracula, at approximately 6 minutes until sunrise, backs out of the church and fifty yards into the adjoining woods. He stands there trying to give his best onstage magician performance scary face while the gargling and growling Monster pushes and slaps at him. Dracula counters the attack by taking the Monster apart like a cheaply-stuffed doll. The Monster refuses to back down, persisting even when both arms have been dismembered and the Monster is no longer capable of his patented shoving/slapping attack. Dracula is ultimately forced to behead the Monster.
Suddenly, the sun is rising. Oh sweet Countess Bathory! Dracula breaks into a staggering half-hearted run, moving back towards the church entrance. Just as he makes to the steps, near to the structure's threshold, Dracula succumbs to the sun's destroying influence, going from runny make-up King Diamond, to ashy-face King Diamond, and finally to skull-face King Diamond. Man, he almost made it, and alas, had he done so, there might have been intriguing sequels such as Dracula vs. Milo, Dracula vs. The Legend of Boggy Creek, or even Dracula vs. Xanadu.
Movie Review: A True Masterpiece of Trainwreck Drive-in Horror
Summary: 5 Stars
Please check the following to see if this movie is right for you. Do you enjoy watching...
1.) Draculas with afros, goutees, purple lips and secret decoder rings who when they speak talk through a loud microphone in the dark?
2.) Frankensteins who look like the Michelin Man with a banana cream pie slammed on his face and a red-neck mullet hairdo you might see on a Jeff Foxworthy show?
3.) Retarded assistants who pet innocent puppies by day and hack up teenage chicks on the boardwalk at night?
4.) Washed-up actors who play mad professors reading lines off of cue-cards?
5.) Biker gangs that have NOTHING to do with the plot
6.) Psychodelic LSD scenes that have NOTHING to do with the plot
7.) Vampires entering churches
Then this flick is for you!! Drac vs. Frank is a HILARIOUS B-movie, heck, this isn't even "B" it's more like "Y" or "Z" level! It's awful but somehow delightfully funny. Dracula has conjured up a really jacked-up looking Frankenstein monster in a cemetary and he wants to reanimate the monster with the help of Doc. Frankenstein (J. Carroll Naish who does a HORRIBLE job of being a mad professor) and his amazing laboratory (wait till you check out these special effects!! George Lucas and ILM eat your heart out!!).
What results is Dracula and Frankenstein kicking some butt and then fighting over a blonde. Doesn't that always happen!!? Well, they wind up at a Church. Isn't that odd? The Prince of Darkness' lackey, Dracula, on hallowed ground?? HMMM. Drac and Frank get into a huge battle royal that you can't even see because it's so damned dark!! But, we see Drac rip Frank's head off (or something) and the show's over.
Don't watch this movie for the battle, watch it for all the hilarious dialogue!!, weird psychodelic nonsense, Dracula and his awesome afro, and the hippies!!
Have fun!!
Get this movie for Halloween, get some popcorn and root bear and sit back with your girlfriend or buddies and have a good belly laugh!!
Movie Review: Trash-o-rama Horror, '70s Style!
Summary: 4 Stars
This movie defies description, but I'll try.I recall watching this
schlockfest on "The Creature-Double-Feature" program, Saturday
mornings on Channel 56, Boston. The DVD adds all the bits deemed too
scary for the kiddies, and more besides (although rated PG, there is a
hint of bare breast in about two scenes).
The movie is really three
bad horror movies put together in a big blender. There's the
Frankenstien part, the mad doctor part, and the Dracula part, which
smash together into a big ball of mush.
The last surviving member of
the Frankenstiens works with a crazed Lon Chaney to butcher helpless
teens, then bring them back to life so he can extract some kind of
fear-induced serum murdered people produce.
Meanwhile, Drac is in
town, and snatches the body of the Frankenstien monster. He plans to
use Doc's serum on the monster, which will make Drac king of the
vampires, or something like that. Drac teams up with Doc Frankenstien,
and they use the monster to kill their enemies.
Doc has captured
the Judith's sister, and is using her to make his serum. When she
disappears, Judith tries to track her down. She gets slipped some LSD
in a biker bar, and then does a trippy hippie dance and meets up with
some stylin' hippies. They help her to look for her sister, while she
falls in lust with the head guru-hippie-guy. He becomes
action-hippie-guru-guy when it becomes time to battle Drac and Frank
(think Mannix crossed with Mike Brady after he got his hair
permed).
One of the most unique things about this movie, besides
monster vs. monster, is that Drac can fire heat rays from his
ring!
Dracula is played by the filmmakers' stock broker! Though no
Lugosi or Lee, he is strangely effective as a gotee-bearded
Drac! Forrest J. Ackerman (the writer who coined the shorthand term
"sci-fi"), cameos, and J. Carrol Naish plays Doc Frankenstien. Jim
Davis (Jock Ewing on "Dallas"), plays a cynical cop, and Russ Tamblyn
(Dr. Jacobi on "Twin Peaks"), plays Rico, the chief biker bad
guy.
Angelo Rossitto, who plays the carnival dwarf, will be familiar
to film fans. He appeared in the 1932 classic "Freaks" (1932), and
"Mr. Wong in Chinatown" (1939). Horror fans will remember Rossitto in
"The Corpse Vanishes" (1942), and "Scared to Death" (1947), both with
Bela Lugosi. He was also a regular on "H.R. Pufnstuf". His most famous
recent role was Master in "Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome" (1985)
Sadly, in later years he was forced to run a newspaper stand in
Hollywood because he could not make enough money in films to live
on.
The DVD is great, packed with extras, and nice interactive
menus. There's also an alternate ending where Drac drives a silver
hearse! It sounds (and is!), laughable, but on the other hand, what
kind of car would be a better Dracmobile?
Though hardly a classic,
the movie will gratify those monster fans who always wanted to Drac
and Frank fight it out.
Movie Review: Fun bad movie seen through the eyes of nostalga
Summary: 4 Stars
Dracula Vs. Frankenstein was seen by me in a time where I looked forward to horror movies on the weekend on TV. Most of the time, they were black and white and 30 or 40 years old (which to a kid might as well be 1000 years) and even the color ones had a certain "in a faraway time" feel.
So, one of the big surpirses of Dracula Vs. Frankenstein upon seeing it again was that it was pretty contemporary to the 70's. It didn't seem so at the time.
This movie is undeniably bad but it's bad in a way that you can sink your teeth into.
If over the top campiness is a talent J.Carrol Naish is sure acomplished at it. He played the mad scientist to the stereotypical hilt. Make no mistake, scenery chewing makes these film more fun and he did it well. It's unfortunate that the clicking of his false teeth were constantly heard on the soundtrack though.
Zandor Vorkov (his real name is Roger, a stockbroker I believe)manages to play Dracula with that same wonderful, juicy over the top and above campiness while managing to be a bit compelling. Since he was and isn't an actor by trade, I think this deserves some praise. While his look was all wrong (Think Frank Zappa with fangs and a goatee)he gave it his all and seemed to be enjoying himself.
Lon Chaney Jr. turns in his last performance as the crazy mute assistant of Dr. Frankenstein. It's a bit poignant to know that he was very ill during this movie and died soon after. In fact, his part was written as a mute since his throat cancer prevented him from speaking well.
The Frankenstein monster fares the worst. He's just there and not a part of the over the top zaniness that makes Dr. Frankenstein and Dracula so fun in this flick.
The film seems to have it's heart in the right place(I think it wanted to be a bit of a tribute to those great Universal horror films), but the fact that it was filmed over the course of four years and was heavily rewritten and refilmed by people that had never evolved beyond exploitation in the first place kept it from being anything close to a tribute.
Having the DVD gives some insight into the production as well as showing you an alternate ending (explaining why towards the end of the movie, Dracula's makeup and Frankenstein Monster look changes. It was filmed much later with another person playing the monster). It's a good look at the old ins and outs of B movie making.
The great Forrest J. Ackerman makes a cameo by the way (which opened the way to some nice coverage in his Famous Monsters mag).
If you take this movie in the spirit of nostalgic fun, you'll enjoy it. Bad movie fans will get a kick out of it too.
Movie Review: Bad movie - Great fun!
Summary: 4 Stars
Ol' Franky and Drac just can't seem to get along in this one. If I had to wear make-up like that I'd be cranky too! All in all, it was fun to watch. The acting was bad,..., the women were, well, let's just say they're well built, but that's it, and poor Lon Chaney was overweight and looked like he was ready to keel over at any moment. Also, the fight between the monster and the cops has to go down as the worse screen scrap in history, oy! So what was good about this clunker? I can't really say. Maybe I'm demented. Maybe I just miss watching old movies that were harmless yet fun. I do know that if you want sit down on a Friday night and watch some real stupidity, then this movie's for you. They just don't make movies like this anymore.