Cyborg
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Movie Reviews of Cyborg
Movie Review: Van Damme Becomes a Star
Summary: 2 Stars
Using costumes and some effect intended for a sequel to the live action MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE, CYBORG is a bleak and apocalyptic film best known for securing the film career of Jean-Claude Van Damme. The film takes place in a future United States that has been decimated by a plague and internal violence. The film begins in New York City. A female cyborg named Pearl Prophet (Dale Haddon) has retrieved information stored within her memory that when brought back to Atlanta (former headquarters of Centers for Disease Control) should bring about a cure for the plague that has killed and is killing so many others. Unfortunately, Pearl runs into a group of pirates led by Fender Tremolo (Vincent Kyln) a big and ugly villain who grunts a lot and who has scary-looking eyes. While running away from Fender, Pearl runs into Gibson Rickenbacker (Van Damme). Gibson is a wandering do-gooder who has spent the last several years of his life training for the day when he would meet Fender again and get his revenge for killing his loved ones. In their first encounter, Gibson is left for dead. Of course, he's not dead but is just unconscious under a pile of rubble. After crawling his way out, Gibson follows the path of Fender, determined to save Pearl and get his revenge. Also, while following Fender's path, Gibson rescues a young woman named Nady Simmons (Deborah Richter). Gibson eventually meets up with Fender again and battle and mayhem ensue.
CYBORG was directed by Albert Pyun. Pyun has gained a reputation as being a modern Ed Wood. He's directed over forty movies, usually on a shoestring, and will probably be forever infamously known as the man who directed the CAPTAIN AMERICA movie that was never released in U.S. theatres. There are some people who are huge Pyun fans. If you know what you are getting into and are in the right mindset, then a Pyun film can be bearable to watch. But there's a reason besides the huge amount of projects and cheap budgets that Pyun is compared to Ed Wood. His movies have terribly written scripts with bad dialogue and nonsensical plots, usually full of holes. His films usually also have a huge amount of violence. CYBORG has all of those elements as well as a cast of characters named after guitars and other musical instruments.
There's only one reason that I watched CYBORG. Several years ago while flipping through the channels late at night I came across the most memorable scene in the movie. I won't give that scene away, but I was so mesmerized by what I saw that I decided to rent the movie and watch the whole thing. The rest of the movie pales in comparison to that scene, but the scene is worth watching.
CYBORG isn't a good movie. It's a bad movie, but not quite bad enough to be campy. If you enjoy fighting movies and can get past the weak plot, cheesy costumes, musical instrument-named characters, and terrible dialogue, then you might enjoy CYBORG. For everyone else, I would recommend only out of curiosity.
Movie Review: Do you like watching fight scenes?
Summary: 2 Stars
That's it. Don't expect anything more than a bare unoriginal storyline. Loads of inconsistencies, like showing the same boat sometimes appearing to go North, then South, then inland and sometimes in the middle of an ocean .. I don't know. It pretty much summarizes the movie. Lots of fight scenes interspersed with random cuts to scenes that for the most part are just filler and barely tie what plot there is together.
Not being an admirer of fight movies, I can't claim to be an expert, but I'm sure I've seen better in older films .. and the settings are so contrived, I thought I was watching a video game.
Good points: It wasn't so bad that I couldn't sit through it.
Movie Review: typical van damme
Summary: 1 Stars
Is that THE ROCK who is in this movie looking malnourished with the rotted teeth and sinister contact lenses make-up? This movie is horrible. But, it is typical for a Van Damme flick. Horrible acting, over-produced with that cheesy waxy feel to it, non-existent storyline and the usual idiotic ending. I have to admit though, that I have most of Van Damme's movies. He is a decent Martial Artist. In my opinion his best movies are "Kickboxer" and "Bloodsport". These are his only movies that are actually enjoyable to watch and somewhat inspiring. I have a few observations / comments / questions to make that should be humorous for the seasoned Van Damme fan: Isn't it funny that with all his millions of dollars that Van Damme can't find a plastic surgeon who can hide that silly bump on his forehead... Why must every character Van Damme plays speak with a French accent? He tries to play a wide variety of different action hero roles but always the character must in some way originate from France. Isn't this preposterous? You'd think if Van Damme was serious about his "acting" career he would have attempted to remedy this flaw. I mean, it's not like his acting roles are all that challenging but it would be nice if he was even partially believable in his roles... Why does Van Damme always have to show his bare rear-end so much? Does he think WOMEN are watching his silly movies? You'd think someone would realize that mostly men watch action films and the majority of men have no desire to see his naked backside so WHY SHOW IT? ... Is it me or does Van Damme need a good hair stylist? His hair is especially stupid in CYBORG. He looks like he should be in the cast for "Revenge of the Nerds"... Speaking of style, was it Van Damme himself who invented that stupid tucked in shirt with pleated Dockers pulled up way too high over the waist with a snazzy belt 80's look? If so, for this deed alone he should be reprimanded... Why was Van Damme such a huge action hero? He is so friggin' short that if you saw him in line behind you at a convenience store I don't think he would look all that intimidating. At least Steven Seagal is tall and tough looking although Van Damme is definitely in better shape. You never see Seagal showing his muscles.... Lastly, even though I can laugh about Van Damme I am definitely a fan. That being said, I wonder if any of his other fans share my sentiments about the producers, directors and just about everyone else involved with most of his many films. I think they should be ashamed of the way they have done their work. Van Damme has alot of heart, maybe not so much as Stallone, but more heart than most action heroes like Shwarzenegger, etc. The people involved with most of Van Damme films have truly done a disservice to him and to action film fans everywhere. They should have taken pride in their work. It's not like they weren't paid handsomely for their services.Movie Review: Random boat scenes, excessive knife-sharpening, and plenty of Van Dammage
Summary: 1 Stars
While you might think those 3 factors cannot add up to anything but an outstanding Van Damme movie, you'd be wrong. This movie makes absolutely no sense, don't even try to figure it out. It makes "Maximum Risk" look like "Commando", or "Lion Heart" look like "Cliff Hanger". Now that I think of it, Van Damme movies generally suck as a rule: only exceptions coming to mind right now are Blood Sport and Kickboxer. Did anyone see "In Hell"? Man that movie was awful - it mostly consisted of him sitting in a cell hallucinating about a moth and banging his head against a stone wall. And then there's "The Quest", which is basically like "Blood Sport", with the small exception that it sucks gigantically. Is "Double Team" twice as bad as "Double Impact"? Or 4 times as bad, since they're both doubled? Do they both succumb to the might of "Time Cop"?
But back to Cyborg... Well, honestly I don't remember too much about this movie except that it made me furious. It was a long time ago and I really wasn't paying too much attention. But I definitely remember a boat scene near the beginning with absolutely no explanation as to what's going on. Who's on the boat? Where is it going? Is the boat a cyborg too? Did Van Damme have to spin kick a pirate in the face 5 times in rapid succession to commandeer the boat? The world may never know. But I know this: "Cyborg" was terrible.
Movie Review: It all depends on the viewer, but I personally thought this was terrible
Summary: 1 Stars
I have no problem with anyone liking this film, but I thought that Cyborg was absolutely godawful. This is a direct quote from my Video/DVD Guide (by Mick Martin and Marsha Porter): "A study in bad. Bad script. Bad acting. Bad directing. Bad special effects." In my opinion, I'm afraid that the quote resonates with truth. In this film, which is easily the worst action movie I've ever seen, Jean-Claude Van Damme seeks vengeance against the gang that killed his family. There's also something about a "cure," or something, but not much attention is focused on the plot so I'm afraid I can't inform you of this part of the story.
Although this film has never been on MST3K, it has all the elements to be on that very Sci-Fi program (extremely low-budget sets, wooden acting, etc.). I think that the only aspect of this film that may appeal to viewers is the martial arts, however I've seen much better martial arts sequences in other films, particularly Enter the Dragon with Bruce Lee. From the laughably campy to the tediously tawdry, I've seen my share of bad films (Razzies that stick out in my mind include Indecent Proposal, Death to Smoochy, and League of Extraordinary Gentlemen). However, Cyborg plunges new depths of badness.