Conan the Destroyer
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Movie Reviews of Conan the Destroyer
Movie Review: A "fun" advenure filled with magic! (Oh, please no)
Summary: 2 Stars
After a (short) 3 year break, the inevitable sequel to "Conan the Barbarian" was made. While "Conan the Barbarian" was a true classic, packed with epic shots, great music, well-paced action, etc., "Conan the Destroyer" can be described as a campy sequel that almost makes fun of the original.
"Conan the Destroyer" takes place shortly after the original. Conan is wandering the lands, looking for adventure and danger (Sound's weak, right?) with his new sidekick, a guy you'll hope you NEVER SEE AGAIN IN ANY OTHER MOVIE after you see this one. Completely randomly, some queen hires him to escort her daughter to find a magical horn thing, and off he goes.
Much more in the fantasy vein than its predecessor, this film finds itself with one of the most, uh, interesting casts ever. Grace Jones and Wilt Chamberlain are the main standouts. (Wait, hold the phone! WILT CHAMBERLAIN?!) Yes, you read correctly. Actually, his role in this film is actually pretty decent, for he does well in the action scenes and acting.
As mentioned earlier, this a FANTASY FILM. While the original had Conan battling Snake Cult worshipers, Thulsa Doom, etc., this movie has him battling a big creature thing and other "fantasy movie enemies." But, the action is pretty good. While the first film is mostly hacking and slashing, this movie actually has SWORDFIGHTING. And it's well choreographed. Also, the cinemetography is great as is the music. (All of the themes are enhanced versions of the themes in the first film, but who cares.)
You might be thinking now that the movie sounds kinda decent. Good action and epic cinemeography, Wilt Chamberlain, etc. But here comes the real problem: IT'S RATED PG! HOW CAN A CONAN MOVIE BE RATED PG?! The first one had lots o' violence and sex scenes galore (all an integral part of the "Conan world") but in this one there is almost no blood! The whole feel of the first one is changed to the "fun, happy" tone in this one. Now, if you can get over that, (which you won't) you MIGHT like this film.
All in all, here's the overview:
Good action and cinemetography, "fun" adventure, IT'S CONAN!
Bad acting, stupid plot, too much fantasy, it's rated PG.
2.5 stars; at best, a C-
1984; 101 minutes; RATED PG for sword violence, some mildly disturbing images, and sexual innuendo.
NOTE: There are rumors that a third Conan movie is in pre-production. According to "Cinescape" magazine, the third entry will star Arnold Schwarzenegger and will be directed by John Milius (the director of the original.) Apparenly, it is belived that it will begin with Conan already a king, and will be about Conan training his SON in the ways of the kingdom. Right......
Well, at least it's rumored to being directed by John Milius.
Movie Review: Coooonnnnnnaaaaaaa.....wwwwnnnn!
Summary: 2 Stars
Viewed: 10/07
Rate: 3
10/07: All right, I had to watch Conan the Destroyer since it is a sequel to Conan the Barbarian. Just what I expected: a boring fanfare. It's incredibly hard for me to take a film seriously when Wilt Chamberlain is in it. Anyway, I thought Conan the Destroyer was slightly better than the original because it was shorter, somewhat less boring, and more passable. The acting was not bad, but it wasn't great. The subplots were wafer-thin because when one was initiated, it got dropped later. A good example is the "ending". It wasn't an ending at all; just a continuum. Thank goodness, there was no third part. Had Malak (played by Tracey Walter) be cut out of the film entirely, Conan the Destroyer would have had a better rating. He was so despicably annoying and hated. Also, cut Grace Jones please. Cut Wilt Chamberlain. Cut Olivia d'Abo. Man, what a lousy cast. A couple of redeeming qualities about Conan the Destroyer is the custom and set designs. I thought they were very good and deserving of merits. Poor dialogue wrecked havoc on the film as whole. I am disappointed that Conan had to wallop the poor camel for nothing. Did that queen look very, very familiar? Masters of Universe, right? I wonder what had happened to the Conan franchise as it expected a third part. Well, the Terminator came, and the rest was history. Sire Conan, please let me borrow the steel. *swinging* *chops off Malak's head* Thank you, sire Conan. Now, Conan the Destroyer is officially history.
Movie Review: This Passes for a Sequel?
Summary: 2 Stars
The original movie, Conan the Barbarian, is, simply, amazing. It had a great story, interesting characters, a downright epic soundtrack, everything a good movie needs.
To put it bluntly: Destroyer is to Conan as Revolutions is to Matrix... except worse. The makers take a movie that needed an amazing sequel, and, well, they ruin it. Here's how:
1: The original CONAN was rated "R". This movie's makers wanted to... dumb it down for a younger audience. This movie is PG. All of that blood and violence that you loved in the first movie? Barely any of the action in the sequel is entertaining.
2: The acting is pretty cheesy. ...It's not like I need to say anything more than that.
3: The story is, at several points, VERY predictable. The princess gets kidnapped? NO WAY! OMG UNEXPECTED PLOT TWIST!
4: The sountrack. The original CONAN had one of the most memorable songs of all time: Riddle of Steel/Riders of Doom. Destroyer has, for me, NO memorable music.
5: The supporting characters are pretty much pointelss. In the beginning of the movie, you see Conan fighting soldiers with someone who we're not even introduced to, and we don't get to know how they even met.
If you're looking for a good fantasy movie, go for Harry Potter or The Lord of the Rings. You can't say you've seen a bad movie until you've seen this.... But why would you want to? Hopefully, the (rumored) upcoming Conan movie will be better. It can ONLY be better.
Movie Review: They destroyed the barbarian
Summary: 2 Stars
Conan The Barbarian stands as one of the best epic movies of all time. Conan The Destroyer is what Batman and Robin is to the Batman series. The whole dark atmosphere and seriousness of the first movie is traded for a children-friendly approach that ruined the whole appeal of Conan.
The Plot: The wicked Queen Taramis(played by Sarah Douglas) dupes Conan to escort her princess niece (played by Olivia D'Aba) on a quest for some sacred horn in exchange to bring back Conan's lost love, Valeria, from the dead. Conan embarks on the trip with the princess accompanied by Bombaata(Wilt Chamberlain) who is secretly ordered to kill Conan. On the way they befriend a fierce captive Zula(played by Grace Jones) and trouble ensues.
Opinion: Conan The Destroyer is laughably bad. The actions scenes are hilarious and you know it's a problem when someone getting decapitated provokes laughter. Each head that gets lopped off and each sword in the gut seem so cartoonish plus you have to deal with the third rate acting. Sarah Douglas and Olivia D'Aba are both wooden and Wilt Chamberlain(RIP) and Grace Jones both seem out of place in this picture. Arnold is his usual self so dont expect much. Not only is the plot weak but the score is redundant also. Conan The Barbarian had a great score to accompany every scene. Here the score is monotonous and weak. I can only reccomend this to you if you want to complete you collection other than that skip it.
Movie Review: Conan the Pretender
Summary: 2 Stars
Conan the Destroyer is a painless but brainless and bland sequel to Milius' not-that-good-in-the-first-place pagan epic. The violence has gone, along with the ambition and pretension, leaving something that might as well have been shot in Italy in the early 60s with Victor Mature. Tracey Walter's comic relief is especially painful and it's a shame that Basil Poledouris, whose score was the real star of the first film, has to struggle with an audibly smaller orchestra this time, but there's some genuine fascination in Ahnoldt's drunk scene, at once inept and frighteningly convincing. And this man now has power of life and death in California...
There's not much to get excited by way of extras: none of the deleted scenes (the film was trimmed down substantially to get a PG) and only a trailer and none-too-exciting commentary, though at least the film is in 2.35:1 widescreen. The MGM/UA French and German issues have two audio commentaries and a featurette about Basil Poledouris' score and the pulp novel roots of the films, however.