Conan the Destroyer
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Movie Reviews of Conan the Destroyer
Movie Review: An action adventure movie whose faults (of which there are many) are now charming in their cheesiness
Summary: 4 Stars
Filming movies back-to-back is nothing new, the obvious savings and advantages on sharing production costs, crew and even marketing meant that the second and third BACK TO THE FUTURE films were filmed simultaneously in the late 1980s. Even today the two sequels to PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN are being filmed hand-in-hand and there are reports that the second Daniel Craig 007 movie will enter into production shortly after the crew have wrapped CASINO ROYALE.
So, it should be no surprise then that the second Conan movie was part of a similar back-to-back deal in the early- to mid-1980s. But what is surprising is that the movie that partnered with the rollicking adventure movie was a quirky science fiction blockbuster from David Lynch named DUNE.
That's right, as that big-budget turkey was roasting under the Mexican sun, a pre-Terminator Arnold Schwarzenegger was working on a much more entertaining movie with a colorful cast of characters.
Based (rather loosely) on the series of novels by Robert E. Howard, this 1984 feature was a sequel to the much darker and more sinister 1982 movie CONAN THE BARBARIAN and saw Schwarzenegger reprise his role as the monumentally strong thief and adventurer.
The director of this entry, the veteran Richard Fleischer actually owed his hire for this movie to another movie he had made almost 30 years earlier, 1958's THE VIKINGS. Producer Raffaella De Laurentiis had commented that since they had tried to copy that movies style and look for the 1982 picture, why not hire that movie's director for this production - and so Fleischer was hired.
Once hired Fleischer set about shaping the movie to his liking. One of the most publicized, decisions he made was telling an incredulous Schwarzenegger that he needed to buff up a bit more. Fleischer said that at the time of the release of CONAN THE BARBARIAN he had been disappointed that Arnold's incredible physique had been covered up for most of the movie, Fleischer also consciously set about making this a lighter entry to the series. The Conan here has a number of genuinely comedic moments, from punching a camel, a horse and attempting to teach a beautiful princess how to wield his sword, Schwarzenegger shows early promise in a genre that would not fully be realized until movies such as TWINS and KINDERGARTEN COP.
Joining Schwarzenegger this time is Sarah Douglas (of SUPERMAN II fame) as the evil Queen Taramis who enlists Conan's help in retrieving a crystal and in turn a magical jeweled horn. Former basketball star Wilt Chamberlain is on board also as the towering Bombaata, who is charged with keeping the princess Jehnna, who is destined to bring back the mystical object (played by the impossibly beautiful Olivia D'Abo) a virgin so that she can be sacrificed. Along the way Conan's ragtag group meet up with Zula, played by Grace Jones. The scene that introduced Jones' character sees her wielding a stick against a group of tormentors and reportedly she landed a few strikes sending a couple of stuntmen in the hospital. It was in fact her role here that brought her to the attention of the James Bond producers that in turn led to her starring in Roger Moore's swan song as 007 in 1985's A VIEW TO A KILL. Far from a great acting display her character still provides a number of memorable moments and is one of the movie's highlights.
The special effects are very dated by today's standards and Pat Roach (veteran of NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN and the Indiana Jones movies) makeup as the wizard Toth-Amon guarding the crystal really is appallingly fake-looking. But the movie is a good popcorn flick that is both fun and fast-paced enough that you can easily forgive these lapses.
Interestingly in the audio commentary that accompanied CONAN THE BARBARIAN Schwarzenegger commented that he would be interested in making a third Conan movie. Sadly this has not been forthcoming and now that he looks intent on pursuing political goals it appears less and less likely. A shame.
This movie is nowhere near as good as its predecessor, but it's still recommended for those rainy Saturday afternoons.
Movie Review: Conan the Humorous
Summary: 4 Stars
"Conan the Barbarian" was an awesome Sword and Sorcery film. That movie is one of the few well-produced high fantasy movies in existence. The expectations for this movie were high given the success of the earlier movie. It was probably inevitable that this sequel was not going to be as good as the original.
Conan has gone back to being a thief. He is doing yoga or contemplating a rock or something like that while his annoying cohort in crime Malak (Tracey Walter, "Annie Hall," "Midnight Run" and "Batman") is counting the spoils. Armored guys intent on some nefarious purpose surround the pair and attempt to capture them. Conan is annoyed at having his yoga interrupted and decides to show his displeasure by hacking apart quite a few of the armored guys until Bombaata (basketball great Wilt Chamberlain in his only acting role) has the armored guys cease throwing themselves on Conan's sword. We then discover that one of the armored guys is actually Queen Taramisu - no, wait, that is a dessert, I think. I meant Queen Taramis (Sarah Douglas, "Superman," "Superman II," and "Solarbabies"). Queen Taramis tells Conan that she can bring back Conan's beloved and dead Valeria if he will baby sit a hot blond while she seeks a phal...oops, I meant a HORN, which Queen Taramis needs to do something that we learn about later.
The rest of this movie is a relatively fun quest, interspersed with moments of humor. Conan gets drunk, ignores Princess Jehnna (Olivia d'Abo) because he is too busy killing people and thinking about Valeria, and tries to avoid having to think of witty one-liners. Grace Jones has a lot of fun as warrior Zula. Mako makes his second, marvelous appearance in a Conan film as the Wizard Akiro. One person who deserves mention is André the Giant's appearance as Dagoth. It is impossible to see André under the makeup. André made a more memorable appearance as Fezzik in "The Princess Bride."
This movie is flawed. The special effects are weak in some areas. Some of the acting is weak or obnoxious. The humor may have been excessive, and the rawness that marked the exuberance and honesty of "Conan the Barbarian" is lacking. In spite of these flaws, many of which appeared to help aim the movie toward teens and children, this movie has a lot going for it. Conan has a lot of non-stop action, and rarely does Conan take much of anything, except Valeria, serious. The outdoor sets are incredible. Conan wisely says little, relying on lots of facial expressions and bulky muscles instead. The action drives the plot and rarely gives a viewer time to focus on the flaws.
"Conan the Destroyer" is clearly inferior to "Conan the Barbarian." However, this movie is still a lot of fun and I enjoy it each time I watch it. The flaws in this movie may make the movie less than what it could have been, but the flaws are not enough to sink it. I give this movie a cautious recommendation to fans of the original, high fantasy, sword and sorcery, and Conan.
Enjoy!
Movie Review: A cheap, but funny and light-hearted sequel.
Summary: 4 Stars
Though being a fan of Robert E. Howard's short stories I must say that funny and light-hearted are definitely NOT the words I would use to describe Conan.
The story this time has Conan go on a mission for the seductive Queen Taramis (she can be my queen ANY day). He must retrieve a gemstone which unlocks another treasure called the Horn of Dagoth. A treasure that will bring to life an Evil God. Conan doesn't care as Taramis (who was NOT a villain in Howard's short stories, her twin sister Salome however, definitely was) has promised to bring back his dead girlfriend from the first film.
And so with his ragtag group of companions: Malak (a comedy sidekick, but what happened to Subotai from the original?), Zula (Grace Jones, wearing no more than a couple of inches of leather floss), Akiro (Mako, the only returning cast member from the original), Bombaata (on a secret mission to kill Conan) and the virgin Princess Jehnna, Conan takes off on his mission.
The first film was very, very serious but this one plays more like The Dark Crystal than a Conan film. The effects and sets are very typical of early '80s fantasy movies. The violence, though not entirely muted, has been toned down somewhat. Plus Conan talks a lot more in this one. I don't have a problem with this part as he is quite cunning and intelligent in Robert E. Howard's stories. I felt they kind of sold him short in the first film by limiting his dialogue.
Some scenes reek of cheapness. The Toth-Amon/Man-Ape scene is so ridiculously fake. It makes you wonder how the filmmakers took it seriously. But it all it really does is add to the kitschy hokum of it all. And hokum and weirdness is what Howard's stories were all about.
Basil Poledouris' music is the one part of the film that is totally up to scratch. It's not as heavy as his score to the first film but he does introduce new, stronger themes and lighter takes on cues from the first.
And the ending, featuring the resurrected Dagoth reduced to a sub-Godzilla demon is just plain stupid. Not silly. Even a few more minutes of thought put into this would have made it much better.
It's a lot more formulaic and 'Hollywood' than the first. No new ground is broken and it's obviously a film made quickly to cash in on the success of CtB. Another way in which Conan has been sold short. You can tell with some gimmicks present in both films that they were trying to turn this into a long-running series. A shame that never happened. Conan the Destroyer is silly, entertaining fun. But it lacks the serious impact of the original. Oh well, we'd better just sit tight until King Conan: Crown of Iron comes out next year.
Forget this shoddy, non-anamorphic, mono-soundtracked DVD and get the R2 version. It has a much better cover-art and loads of extras including: commentaries, featurettes and a brand new 2.35:1 anamorphic picture and Dolby 5.1 sound.
Movie Review: Conan returns in this second story to help a virgin princess
Summary: 4 Stars
This review is for the VHS version. The first movie was Conan the Barbarian - Collector's Edition (1982). The story continues with Arnold Schwarzenegger back as "Conan", He is almost captured by a net, but wins the fight. Then Queen Taramis (played by Sarah Douglas, whom you may recall from Superman - The Movie [Blu-ray] (1978) and Superman II (Two-Disc Special Edition)[1980]) makes her presence known. She makes Conan show her the deepest desire in his heart. His thought appears on the rock. It is Sandahl Bergan who's character died in the first film. Queen Taramis says she will bring her back, but Conan must first take Princess Jehnna (Olivia D'Abo) on a journey to find a key only she can touch. Queen Taramis wants her to come back still a virgin. The key is in a castle guarded by a wizard. Also in the cast: former basketball player champion Wilt Chamberlain and Grace Jones. Mako continues his character "Akiro" from the first film. After this film, Grace Jones went on to film the "James Bond" film, A View to a Kill (1985). The film Kull the Conqueror (1997) was meant to be a third "Conan" film, but when Arnold Schwarzenegger refused to reprise the "Conan" role, the script was rewritten as "Kull" for Kevin Sorbo.
Conan the Barbarian - Collector's Edition (1982)
Conan the Destroyer (1984)
Kull the Conqueror (1997)
Conan 3D will be released August 19, 2011.
Movie Review: When you combine Arnold, Wilt the Stilt, and Karen Arnold we guarantee you things will change
Summary: 4 Stars
A couple years back Sid's first encounter with Conan didn't quite go as well as planned, especially in the eyes of the overly obsessed followers of the series. For some reason the original just didn't do it in the sense we were hoping for. After we posted a review we received more then a handful of vengeful basement dwellers looking to attack us for our opinion causing hours of laughter and enjoyment. Despite the first incident it only seemed fair to give Arnold a chance to redeem himself, and boy did he. By conventional Conan means this one may not be enjoyed, obviously by the obsessed section, but for people like us it should do just right. You get plenty of Arnold dialogue with plenty more action then we saw the first go round.
This time around we have Conan sent on a mission to save Princess Jehnna (best known to Sid for her roles as Karen Arnold and Betty Jo from Waynes World 2). Conan's on the mission in order to gain favor with an evil Queen named Taramis who has the powers to bring his deceased lover Maria Shriver. Obviously the Maria Shriver was a joke, so please don't get too serious over it and start casting spells on Sid. Anyway in order to complete his mission he gathers up a rogue crew complimented by the original a** man Wilt Chamberlain. It does provide plenty of laughs of the intentional/unintentional variety along with some good entertaining action.
Almost everyone who loves the whole Conan concept we certainly disagree with Sid when we say this one goes leaps and bounds above the original. Conan the Destroyer had the b element we were hoping for when we watched the original. Naturally we're not really into the whole magical fantasy type films, but still found enough to go four stars deep on this one. The addition of Karen Arnold was an absolute star simply from her being an amazing smoke show. Sid's always had a thing for her but had no idea of the sexy time powers she had back in 1984. The only thing the film could have used was a guest appearance from Wayne Arnold to push it to the 5 star maximum.