Cocktail
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Movie Reviews of Cocktail
Movie Review: The arrogant bartender
Summary: 2 Stars
I don't know Tom Cruise personally, but the person he appears to be in tv interviews doesn't seem very different from the performance he delivers in almost every one of his movies.
Early in his career, Mr. Cruise developed a cocky, in-your-face persona that he used in film after film.
He played the cocky unlikable fighter pilot, the cocky unlikable bartender, the cocky unlikable NASCAR driver and the cocky unlikable pool hustler in movies that were limited by his character. Even in films that were saved by the superior performances of others - such as Dustin Hoffman in "Rain Man", or Paul Newman in "The Color of Money"- Tom still played the cocky unlikable character.
With a handful of bizarre public appearances, he developed a nearly universal reputation, Sloane Crosley wrote in Village Voice, as "one spoke behind Michael Jackson on the freak wheel."
This is his cocky bartender movie.
Movie Review: I would have given it zero, but that's not allowed.
Summary: 1 Stars
This is one of the funniest movies that I have ever seen in my life. Imagine this....cast your mind....Tom Cruise plays an aspiring business student who is looking for ye olde get rich quick scheme. Along the way he discovers that he needs money to do things and decides to take up bartending. He goes under the tutelage of a bartender he meets named Douglas Cogland. Cogland then tells him the rules of the bartending game...."Cogland's Law." He acts as if he's this all knowing wiseman but he's really a diluded dumba$$ who thinks he has everything figured out. They become a big hit tossing bottles back and forth at some high class bar, but Cruise soon wants out of this. So he leaves and goes to Jamaica. Whilst in Jamaica he meets Elizabeth Shue who he falls in love with. They get off to the most typical start possible...she doesn't like him at first because he's a bartender. Then Doug reenters his life and tells him he has gotten married and is rich....only because his wife is rich. Doug found the easy way to the top but the flavor is more than he can handle. Doug realizes that his life is shallow and meaningless, and that he knows nothing. So he breaks this 40 year old bottle of bourbon and cuts his throat....but he leaves a lovely letter in which there is narration when Tom Cruise reads it. Bryan Brown does some great narration by adding an inappropriate laugh in the midst of discussing his way out. Like young Flannigan is going to think about how Cogland reads the note to him if he were still alive. That's writing at it's finest and acting that is unbeatable....by dinosaurs. Now before all of this happens Flannigan (Cruise) has a wonderful time with Jordan (Shue), has [physical activity], goes to bed with another woman, upsets Jordan, goes back to New York, sees her, tries to talk to her, she pours food on his head, she then tells him that she's prenant with his child, he tries to get her back but her father is the stereotypical father who "won't let his daughter throw her life away," ....
This movie had me laughing at every turn because the writing was so atrocious. There's nothing funnier to me than a bad script with no plot. The movie is over an hour and a half and any person who is breathing and conscious can deduce the meaning of the movie in three seconds.
Doesn't the poster of the movie tell you all you need to know? Tom Cruise standing under a neon sign that says Cocktail. Add those factors up and that equals horrendous movie. This is a crime against humanity but at least you get a mountain of unintentional laughs out of it.
"Cogland's Law!!!: ...
Movie Review: Quite possibly the worst movie EVER made.
Summary: 1 Stars
Cocktail really could be one of the worst fiascos ever committed to celluloid. Unless you are someone who thinks that Tom Cruise is just dreamy or have some kind of mental disorder you should avoid this film at all costs.The (yawn) story revolves around some [unintelligent] (no seriously the character is not intelligent) bartender that spends more time juggling bottles than pouring drinks to patrons that seem to care less about actually getting service at the bar. He is mentored by an even [less intelligent person] (this one seems to come from overseas) who instills his limited wisdom in the form of this bizzare set of laws. Special negative points are awarded to the film for the scenes where Cruise climbs up onto the bar to recite some kind of awful freestyle bar poetry to the customers. If you ever wondered if you could fit under your sofa then watch theses scenes because that is exactly where you'll want to crawl to escape the horror. The point of all this you ask...I have absolutely no idea. The reality is I've haven't sat through a film that was so laugh-out-loud bad since "Flash Gordon."
The one redeeming quality of the picture is the relationship with the Elizabeth Shue character. Now bear with me for a moment because I know that on the surface this on-screen romance reeks like old goat cheese but it really is fascinating. I have always wondered what those really good looking but mentally challenged people talked about when they dated one another. You always knew it was nothing of merit but my curiosity has still always lingered until this film. Now it all makes sense, they talk about mundane and trivial stuff (similar to what you talked about in junior high school) that requires the brainpower of a six year old to comprehend.
I could go on and on in more explicit detail but you get the point. This movie is B A D. If you want to see a nice good romantic movie from the eighties go get Pretty Woman.
Movie Review: Awful
Summary: 1 Stars
Can't remember seeing a movie this bad in, well... ever. Tom Cruise's Flannagan can't get a job in the biz world, so starts tending bar at what's evidently the world's most swinging TGIF restaurant. There he meets a shallow, woman-hating bartender named Coughlin who teaches him Coughlin's Laws of How to Treat Women Like Dirt and End Up Pathetic and Alone. In the end, happily he (Coughlin) dies. Flanagan, meanwhile, ditches his sweet new girl Elizabeth Shue for some "rich chick" (in his lovable words). Then he gets bored of the rich chick, finds out he got Elizabeth Shue pregnant, gets spooked by aforementioned pregnancy, kicks a stuffy doorman in the buttocks, proposes to nice pregnant girlfriend, finds out it's gonna be twins, almost gets spooked again but doesn't, recites horrible poetry, and finally tops things off by yelling "The bar is open!" in a high-pitched puberty-like squeal. Yay for happy endings.Movie Review: Unintentional camp and a very bad film!
Summary: 1 Stars
Now we all know at this point that Tom Cruise is a little odd and not exactly a brain trust, so it shouldn't be too surprising that he chose to make this awful piece of trash after becoming a pretty big star. But Bryan Browne? The terrific Aussie actor from FX, A Town Like Alice and Breaker Morant? He must have been desperate for cash. Poor guy - He went back to Australia not too long after participating in this hideous venture.
This movie is both unintentionally hilarious at times, and really just plain bad at others. I saw it at the movies with my husband and we both agreed at the time that it was a real stinker. The script is atrocious and completely unrealistic.
If it smells like a bomb and it looks like a bomb, guess what, it's a bomb! A big smelly bomb. Only watch Cocktail if you've consumed several cocktails yourself!