Breeders
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Movie Reviews of Breeders
Movie Review: Pretty Women and an Evil Sponge
Summary: 4 Stars
I have not seen this movie since fifteen years ago in Lawrence, Kansas, but I still remember the scene where the gay cameraman turns into the monster. The lovely and shapely young coke-snorting model does a marvelous ten-minute exercise routine sans clothes and then gets knocked down and raped by the giant sponge-window cleaning device the cameraman has turned into. Later a zaftig blonde gets up out of her hospital bed (unclothed) and walks down the hallway and walks up and down steps and into some industrial basement and into a hot tub, where all the alien-impregnated young mothers hang out. There's also a long phone call from a young woman to her worried mother assuring her she's safe in NYC. She then strips and gets attacked while taking a shower. The movie avoids all dramatic, horrific, comic, and romantic cliches because it basically has no plot and no story, just a giant wet sponge that attacks very pretty naked young women. This film is so irrational, incompetent and inspired it could be the long-wished for sequel to Humanoids From the Deep.Movie Review: Intentional Or Not, "Breeders" Is A Funny, Offbeat Spoof of Nostalgic Alien Abduction Films
Summary: 3 Stars
Prior to his release of the hilarious, offbeat "Breeders," what did Tim Kincaid direct? Porno? You bet! (He did it under the name of Joe Gage.) The cast for "Breeders" is a gorgeous one; however, the acting is atrocious. It's as though the actors never could make that transition from adult film to soap opera. Teresa Farley ("Bad Girls Dormitory") is the ravishing Dr. Gamble Pace; her acting is very stilted and her expressions are deadpan as though she is reading her lines from a teleprompter. The script, also written by Kincaid, is trite and silly. The acting, dialogue and sets reminded me of the porn films during the seventies, the ones that actually had decent plots.
Partially intoxicated, I watched "Breeders" and discovered it to be an enjoyable spoof of those nostalgic films where aliens and sea creatures abducted women in order to mate with them and save their dying species. Whether the humor is intentional or not, I'll let you be the judge. Nevertheless, there is definitely a lot of female nudity. (No sex, but gratuitous nudity.) Some of the scenes, especially the ones involving the alien tearing itself free from a human host, are genuinely gory and repulsive. I found them difficult to watch while eating my nachos. Many young people die as the alien creature terrorizes Manhattan; this will satisfy horror fans, like myself, who appreciate a high body count. The plot is ridiculous: An alien searching for beautiful Manhattan virgins to impregnate. Good luck! Obviously this film was released before Samantha and her friends came on the scene in the hit HBO series "Sex and the City."
"Breeders" is recommended for those who enjoy movie spoofs such as "Scary Movie," "Epic Movie" and "Date Movie." It is recommended for the gratuitous nudity, the high body count, the gory death scenes and the Brian De Palma-like ending that actually shocked and startled me. It's worth seeing for the scene where five beautiful, naked women are lured to the alien hot tub where they smear a creamy milk-like substance (don't even think it) all over themselves and each other. It's interesting to see the kind of mainstream film that Tim Kinkaid directed when he wasn't directing gay porno.
Movie Review: Tried to be Scary, Wound up Funny
Summary: 3 Stars
Every once in a while I see a film that convinces me there are film makers out there trying to emulate Ed Wood. Breeders is one such film. An alien life form arrives on Earth and begins to try and reproduce and thus take over the planet before moving on.In order for the reproduction to be successful the alien is looking for healthy virgins. Loss of virginity opens the door to too many potential health risks that will inhibit the birth of new aliens. police detective teams up with a doctor to try and trace who is attacking women in New York City.
Near the end of the movie the creatures victims begin to disappear. The trail leads below the Empire State Building where the creature has a nest. There the women bathe in white goo. The doctor and detective come up with a plan and, with the help of some drunk public works employees, eliminate the alien threat.
This film is full of all of the bad things that make a movie good. These include, but are not limited to, really bad acting, bad writing, inattention paid to whether the scene is day or night and other strange details. If you happen to like really bad movie in the Ed Wood vein then you might want to take a look at this one. It is so bad it is hilarious.
Movie Review: More nudity than you can spank a monkey at!!!
Summary: 3 Stars
This is one of those films you buy just for the skin content. There are 5 or six women that get buck naked, and it's a constant theme throughout the film. Awesome. Simply awesome.
The acting is absolutely atrocious--wow is it bad--but the director is clearly the kind of guy who focuses on things other than the acting, if you follow me. Lots and lots of naked women. What could be better in a lousy movie? At least this movie has the redeeming factor of abundant flesh to make up for the horrible acting, which so many other crappy films don't have.
Any guy that loves nekkid chix will have no problem with this film.
Movie Review: Randy, Bug-Eyed Goo Men...
Summary: 2 Stars
BREEDERS is sort of a cross between HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP, INSEMINOID, and INVASION OF THE BEE GIRLS. Unlike these films however, BREEDERS is annoyingly dull. Yes, nearly every female disrobes within seconds of appearing, but this does nothing to make the rest of this imbecilic mess bearable! No laughs. No tension or drama. No point. Just human blocks of wood parroting their lines. This one gets an extra star for the mutant offspring w/ the sideways mouth. Other than that, it's rancid...