Astro-Zombies
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Movie Reviews of Astro-Zombies
Movie Review: Four stars for 2 zombies!
Summary: 4 Stars
Indeed, as a zombie film, it hardly has the right to use the plural in the title. Two zombies are available, but only one appears in a mobile fashion for the largest part of the film. As far as the zombie meter reads, there are far more in prior films like 'Last Man On Earth' and even way back in 1933 with Legosi's 'White Zombie'. It would be unfair to kick it out of the running for a fun film, though.Essentially, the plot involves a mad scientist, (played wonderfully by John Carradine), has lost his job with the government and goes rogue to create 'astromen', or walking corpses able to survive in the rigorous environs of space. So far, so good. Adding to this, Tura Satana plays a sultry and violent vixen as an agent of a foreign government trying to obtain his secrets, and some government agents looking for the scientist.
This film is pretty campy with wooden acting, but you didn't expect less with such a title, now did you? It is, however, a fun kind of campy movie with a concept reminescent of 'Frankenstein', including an Igor character. An overweening 60's style fetish for fake-looking blood and scantily clad women being attacked, Astro Zombies doesn't offer much new concerning these old cliches. Some humorous diologue, and funny scenes (check the Astro Zombie holding a flashlight to his head!).
If you enjoy camp movies with a budget not equal to the concept, Astro Zombies is a fine film. Acting wise, only John Carradine shines, though Tura has talents beyond the poor dialogue provided. It fits the time well, and a fine introduction into zombie concepts on film 1 year before N.O.T.L.D.
As a DVD, it really is pretty sparse; the print has a couple of glitches, though it's presented in a nice widescreen and very watchable. Ten scenes to choose from, nice packaging, and a very messy non color corrected theatrical trailer.
Movie Review: Solar Powered Terror!
Summary: 4 Stars
Astro Zombies is another legendary "worst movie of all time" playing second or third fiddle to Ed Wood's Plan 9 From Outer Space. And also like that film, though bad as it is, something actually clicks and the film becomes entertaining. So, it's a bad film, but not a truly bad film because a truly bad film would have no entertainment value at all(Michael Bay's Armageddon for example).
Schlockmeister Ted V. Mikels whips up a bizarre drive-in tale of spies, government agents, extremely fake looking solar "zombies" and insomnia curing mad scientist lab scenes. John Carradine is making these "Astro Men"(a kind of synthetic human made from live human parts. An early form of a cyborg if you will.)to be used in space travel. In the Frankenstein tradition, Carradine's first Astro Man has the brain of a psychotic or something and is out on a killing rampage. Carradine doesn't seem give a s*** about this in the least as he starts production on a new Astro Man. Also in the Frankenstein tradition is Carradine's mute, hunchback-like assistant. Meanwhile, government agents and spies(led by Tura Satana of course) are all trying to track down Carradine and get a piece of the Astro Man action.
Astro Zombies is known for it's very low budget(though it's not as shoddy looking as Mikels' the Corpse Grinders), low production values, low quality acting and FX, and just low everything!!!
But it's fun! In fact, I probably liked this movie more than I should have. That's not to say you will, but if you dig cult films, Astro Zombies is required reading.
Movie Review: Tura Tura Tura!
Summary: 4 Stars
Worth the price just to see 'Satana' (Tura Satana) in action! The "interrogation" of the CIA agent is a cinematic masterpiece.
'Frenchot' the mad scientist's (John Carradine) assistant is the inspiration for Dr. Tongue's assistant 'Woody Tobias Junior' on SCTV. The hat that 'Juan' wears as Satana, himself and their deceptive partner drive through L.A. using the device that Spock used on Star Trek to search for life on the surface of planets is a fashion statement! The scenes shot in broad daylight that are supposed to be taking place at night...the head that's chopped off that's clearly a wig stand with flanged edges...I could go on and on...but, again, this movie is worth it just for Tura Satana's role as 'Satana'. The only reason I gave it only four stars is the electrocution death of the star of the movie at the end of the film and the ridiculous head of the Astro Zombie himself.
Movie Review: Saw it when I was 6 or 7
Summary: 4 Stars
I just wanted to chime in that I saw this movie at either the theatre or the drive-in when it came out. I was born in 1963 so do the math! I hesitate to buy the dvd since I know a contemporary viewing will surely pale to the effect it had on me as a kid. I thought it was a hoot at the time and always had fond memories about it. I'm glad my parents were liberal enough to allow me to become such a demented little cuss at such a young age. Thanks mom and dad!Movie Review: No! Not The Emotional Quotient Rectifier!
Summary: 3 Stars
Oh, where to start? The movie, co-produced by Wayne Rogers (Trapper John from M*A*S*H) is a bit difficult to follow, which is not one little bit surprising seeing that it is the directorial brainchild of Ted V. Mikels. The plot is fairly typical B movie fare, but has a few subplots and distractors to keep the viewer on their toes. The movie shows off the ample talents of Tura Satana as much as possible in the lead role of ruthless Chinese spy. She and her two henchmen (one is a Hispanic man who may be supposed to be Cuban, all we know is that he likes to dance around with his switchblade a lot, the other is a cranky old coot who reminds me of Abe Vigoda with constipation) are trying to get the secrets of lunatic scientist John Carradine's Astro Zombie project. When John enters the film, the problems start.Carradine and his conveniently mute French Igor character, 'Franchot", work in a lab in a huge mansion bringing back people from the dead. This is not a good situation. While Tura is pretty (as are the good lab assistant women we meet later), and the spies vs. the CIA subplot is kind of interesting, as soon as they show the lab I cringe because only one thing happens there: Carradine explains every painful little bit of his procedures to Franchot is pseudo-science technobabble like "We must feed this memory circuit through the emotional quotient rectifier!" This just never ends. Apparently Wayne Rogers picked up a physics textbook, flipped to the glossary and started writing. Man, the Carradine stuff is just painful. The only thing that is good about John's lab is his equipment. He has all the bubbling test tubes, of course, but when he is doing his dirty work he straps what looks for all the world like a colander to his victims head; no doubt it has something to do with the dekrelnification redundancy circuiting of the gauss plasma ion generator of the prefrontal cortex of the brain stem. (But I digress. Of course John will tell you what it's for; I must have dozed for a second during that monologue.)
Eventually, the cops get involved and start looking for the Astro Zombies, who are, of course, on a killing spree. There are many plot cul-de-sacs to be negotiated, including my favorite which involves the absolute lamest 'exotic' dance that I have ever seen in a movie; yes, even worse than in Mikels' much better "Girl In The Gold Boots", from 1969 (and notably starring the same male lead.) The three spies lug around a radio detector thing that makes the exact same sounds as Spock's panel on Star Trek, and locate Carradine's lab. The spies try to hijack the Astro Zombies, but Carradine sees the error of his ways, and the good guys show up. For some reason the head lawman (we aren't sure what agency they are from, but are led to infer the CIA) brings his girlfriend to the bust. It is a wild melee and justice is served. I particularly like the John Carradine/Tura Satana joint death scene and the zombie with a machete.
This movie has some fun spots for bad movie fans like me. It has some hilarious scenes, like when the zombie holds a flashlight to the photocells in his forehead to get recharged. It also has some classic day/night confusion a la Ed Wood, and this is compounded by the fact that some of the film is way too dark, especially when the spies and CIA guys are having a shootout in the apartment complex (I may be wrong, but that apartment complex looks to me to be the exact same one from Mikels' later film "The Corpse Grinders". Did Ted live there?) The wacky plot and all it's needless but fun twists are big pluses, but I just couldn't give it more than three stars for the huge chunk of John Carradine rambling on about infusing the memory proteins in the hydrogen recombiners, or something like that. Good luck!