Anacondas - The Hunt for the Blood Orchid
by Dwight H. Little
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DVD Cover Information
Actor: Eugene Byrd, Johnny Messner, KaDee Strickland, Matthew Marsden, Morris ChestnutDirector: Dwight H. Little
Brand: Sony
Writer: Daniel Zelman
Writer: Edward Neumeier
Writer: Hans Bauer
Writer: Jack Epps Jr.
Writer: Jim Cash
Writer: John Claflin
Writer: Michael Miner
DVD: Region Code 99
Audio: English (Original Language), Dolby Digital 5.1; Chinese (Subtitled); English (Subtitled); French (Subtitled); Korean (Subtitled); French (Dubbed)
Format: AC-3, Closed-captioned, Color, Dolby, Dubbed, DVD-Video, Full Screen, NTSC, Subtitled, Widescreen
Picture Format: 1.33:1
Running Time: 97 minutes
DVD Release Date: 2004-12-21
Audience Rating: PG-13 (Parental Guidance Suggested)
Studio: Sony Pictures
Movie Reviews of Anacondas - The Hunt for the Blood Orchid
Movie Review: Sssssssillly.....Sssssschlocky......Sssssstupid
Summary: 2 Stars
Anacondas The hunt for the Blood Orchid...Okay I said I wouldn't touch this one with a ten-foot pole in my previous review of Anaconda. But I'm a huge fan of Salli Richardson's work. So I picked up some Tums and forced myself to suffer through this cheesy sequel. I'm a nice guy, but I don't think I'd do this for one of Jada Pinkett's movies.
Anacondas: The hunt for the Blood with some Ruthless New York corporate types working at a big time pharmaceutical company. They're looking to cash in on the blood orchid, a rare flower that's only in bloom for six months out of every seven years or something. These Corporate types head down to Borneo and hire out Bill Johnson, a mercenary type (there's always one in these types of movies) with a grimy rundown boat (Think Millennium Falcon) to ferry them to the orchid. Salli's character Gail Stern runs afoul of a toilet and a monkey, and falls overboard.(Looking extra HOT in a tank top and shorts!) Thankfully Bill saves her from a gator in one of the best scenes in the movie. Later, Jack offers Bill extra money to go off course and the boat falls over a waterfall.
After salvaging some supplies from the wreck Bill and the corporate types make the journey to rendezvous with another boat. Along the way the big cheesy CGI snake pops up and has Dr. Ben Douglas for a quick snack. Captian Bill explains to us that anacondas are common around here and they eat people. Unfortunately, Anacondas are from South America not Southeast Asia, and these snakes don't eat people. But the movie moves on in spite of these minor plotholes.
Terrified, the crew runs into the Jungle with Gail and Jack (slimy British guy) arguing about who's running things and whether or not to end the expedition. While the first CGI snake sleeps off a meal it would have puked up in real life, Ruthless executive type Gordon Mitchell resting his tired feet runs afoul of a deadly stone spider which has a paralyzing bite that last two days. Ruthless Brit Jack wants to cash in on this new discovery and puts it in a specimen jar. Scared brotha Cole, runs afoul of leeches and the quest for the blood Orchid continues with yet another crew member picked off, more arguing, and more laughs for me.
Cut to the drunken captain at the rendezvous point. After taking a sip o' ripple, (a big No-No) He runs afoul of a big CGI snake who has him for lunch and his boat blows up. The explorers run into the remains of the boat, and salvage what they can find. Later they run into the remains of him puked up. Maybe this CGI snake read the rest of the script and couldn't take anymore of this schlock.
Captain Johnson and his crew head to a village of headhunters where the snakes have had all you can eat villagers. We learn the Blood Orchid made the snakes big and long lived while the crew put together a makeshift raft and a plan to get out of there. But Jack has other plans. While the crew bickers, he leaves Gordon paralyzed by the stone spider and steals the raft to go on his quest for the blood orchid. This builds into a cheesy climax where poor guide Tran gets killed, Bill gets shot, and another one of the big snakes blows up good after having a flare shot into it's mouth like an after dinner mint. Jack with a bag full of blood orchids faces off against everyone who survives. Fighting with his secretary being bit by the stone spider falls into the pit of anacondas and becomes a snake and Kidney pie. The movie ends with the survivors rolling down the raft back to civilization.
Man, this movie was cheesier than Kraft, Borden, Land O Lakes and Velveeta combined. Ridiculous CGI snakes from a Commodore Amiga, and a retarded script full of stock characters, fifth grade logic and a predictable storyline don't make for much scares in this horror flick. But I did get plenty of laughs watching these poor actors recite the wretched dialogue.
This one is nowhere near as good as the first Anaconda which was a smart mix of action, suspense and psychological drama that worked. Jon Voight stole the movie as the snake who manipulated the documentary crew in his quest to poach the big anaconda. Here in Anacondas, there are no clear heroes, like in the first film. Everyone's a villain so there's no one to root for except for the snakes. Unfortunately, they don't get enough victims to snack on. Scared brotha should have been served up instead of Tran.
Salli Richardson...She's the only reason I watched this. She gives a strong performance and does her best considering the sssillly script she had to work with. She had great facial expressions and conveyed Gail's emotions very well, and her scenes with the monkey were some of the best parts of the movie. The acting here from everyone else is okay considering the imbecilic script these poor actors had to work with. Johnny Messner is a lot of fun to watch as Bill Johnson. He has a Han Solo type vibe that carries the movie and keeps it entertaining. Karl Yune is great as Tran, I really liked his character. He was so much fun to watch I really wished he survived to the end of the movie. KaDee Strickland shows a lot of promise here and steals a few scenes later in the movie. Morris Chestnut isn't given much to do here except play tough bald black guy like he did in Half Past Dead. Matthew Marsden is rotten as the bad guy, but again, that's because of the screenplay. Eugene Byrd is painful to watch as Cole, the scared brotha who kept reminding me of Cuba Gooding Jr. He's supposed to be the comic relief, but he's more annoying than funny. I kept waiting for the snake to eat him.
Anacondas is good for a rental at best. If you're having an MST3K party or you just want to turn off your brain for a few hours and enjoy some mindless cheese, this is the movie for you. Pick it up along with Crocodile 2: Death Roll starring the talented Heidi Lenhart for a double feature of: Great actresses' who deserve better stuck in VERY VERY cheesy sequels. Somebody write these ladies a decent screenplay!
Summary of Anacondas - The Hunt for the Blood Orchid
Eight adventurers brave the perilous jungles of Borneo in pursuit of the fountain of youth, unaware they?re being stalked by gigantic snakes that feed on human flesh.So here's the deal: A bunch of sassy scientific types, who all look as though tey've spent just as much time lifting barbells as they have beakers, head out into Borneo to find some rare flower that's the "pharmaceutical equivalent to the fountain of youth"--and end up dodging the digestive system of several mutant snakes during mating season. You gotta hate when that happens. If you don't, you soon will, because this in-name-only sequel to Anaconda, 1997's now seminal guilty pleasure, is proof that more does not necessarily mean merrier. The thing isn't even good-bad; it's cheap and completely unmemorable even as popcorn fodder. Director Dwight Little and his posse of his screenwriters have neither the budget nor the imagination to come on like a rip-snorting Aliens clone--it's pretty much one snake at a time, and frankly more concerned with the conniving British baddie (Matthew Marsden) who really, really wants that orchid. The cast of no-names is destined to remain that way, although the chiseled Johnny Messner, as a rugged jungle guide, provides a few hoots in his laughably stoic attempt at Vin Diesel-dom. It's hard to determine who you'd like eaten first. --Steve Wiecking
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