Alone in the Dark
by Uwe Boll
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DVD Cover Information
Actor: Christian Slater, Frank C. Turner, Matthew Walker, Stephen Dorff, Tara ReidDirector: Uwe Boll
Brand: Lions Gate
Producer: Bruno Bonnell
Producer: Dan Clarke
Producer: Dan Sales
Producer: Frederic Demey
Writer: Elan Mastai
Writer: Michael Roesch
Writer: Peter Scheerer
DVD: Region Code 1
Audio: English (Unknown); English (Original Language)
Format: Closed-captioned, Color, DVD, NTSC, Widescreen
Picture Format: 1.85:1
Running Time: 96 minutes
Published: 2005-05-01
DVD Release Date: 2005-05-10
Audience Rating: R (Restricted)
Studio: Lions Gate
Movie Reviews of Alone in the Dark
Movie Review: ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE! And, as a result, brilliant.
Summary: 5 Stars
Now I'm just guessing here, but if you're reading reviews for "Alone In The Dark" on Amazon, you probably already have a pretty good idea of what this movie is about, so I'll just cut to the chase. This may be the worst movie ever made - which is a good or bad thing, depending on how you get your kicks. The story makes no sense. Indeed, I'm still not sure what any of these people were doing or why they were doing it - although I think it had something to do with the gateway to Hell, weird looking beastie things that don't like light (cause they're from Hell, natch), zombified kung-fu fightin' orphans (yes, really), a secret military unit named "713," some ancient Native Americans called Abskani that nobody had heard of until Tara Reid showed up and (inexplicably) Christian Slater in a leather trench coat and a six shootin' pistol (yes, all of that is actually in the film). The direction is so incredibly poor that it must be seen to be believed. Uwe Boll is simply amazing. He's either the worst filmaker of the past 30 years or a comedic wunderkind. Seriously. I would not be at all surprised if 10 years from now, Spike Jonze revealed that Uwe Boll was his alter ego and that he made these movies just to see how the American public would react - i.e., "could people be so dumb that they would honestly enjoy this crud?" The acting is almost insufferable. Christian Slater as a rogue, brooding paranormal investigator (I guess that accounts for his pseudo-urban-cowboy-by-way-of-Indiana-Jones-meets-Lara-Croft get up . . . well, as much as anything CAN account for that look), Tara Reid as his archeologist girlfriend (yes, that Tara Reid; what's really frightening is that Tara Reid as an archeologist is the most believable part of the movie - and yes, I realize that I'm talking about someone stupid enough to have their breast fall out on the red carpet and then stand there while everyone snaps pictures before going, "hey, did my breast just fall out?"), former Baywatch extras as members of an elite squad of paranormal investigators that go around shooting things with big guns that look suspiciously like augmented paintball rifles (no bull; that's what happens).
In other words, this is bad movie hog-heaven. If you dug Mystery Science Theatre, you'll dig this (for all the wrong reasons, of course, but you'll dig it just the same). If you are not a fan of "so bad it's good" movies, stay as far away from this film as possible.
Five stars for being so unrelentingly awful. Again, Uwe Boll is either a genius or the most insane, stupid, and just plain imcompetent filmaker ever (which, in itself, it sort of a weird form of genius - one best appreciated from afar, granted, but still . . . ). Either way, he has left us this unholy piece of garbage to marvel at. And exclaim "damn!" Frequently.
Summary of Alone in the Dark
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