A Talking Picture
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Movie Reviews of A Talking Picture
Movie Review: Oh, Be Quiet!
Summary: 2 Stars
This is a pretentious film that tries hard to impress us with a tone of high culture and with portent for civilation as a whole. But really, it is just a windy exercise.
First of all, the relationship betwen the mother and the daughter is a windy one. As the two make their journey on a cruise ship through the historic cities around the Mediterranean, the mother remains the perpetual pedagogue. I was reminded of the cautions issued by Ivan Illich, the philosopher of the homeschooling movement. He worried that many parents might interpret any call to homeschool simply as an invitation to move the classroom into their family lives - to use their time with their children as an occasion to cram more information into the youngsters, to accelerate them along the learning curve. And that's exactly what the mother in this film is doing. She stands perpetually in loco educator. She is intent on making this trip with her daughter "An Educational Experience." So I didn't find her to be a sympathetic character.
For her part, the daughter in this film seems perfectly content to have a walking curriculum for a mother. She reinforces her mother's pedantry by asking leading questions - about Napoleon and war and the Ottoman Empire. Like that would happen!
Then the conversation around the Captain's table is totally phony. I didn't particularly object to the fact that everyone understands everyone else's language. Europeans are notably polyglot. So that cinematic license wasn't much of a stretch. But the meringues of philosophy that the characters froth out, are all just too airy and aimless.
And they contain jarring notes of misinformation. The Greek lady claims that when America's Founding Fathers voted on what language would be the official language of the new United States, Greek lost by just one vote. I had always heard that it was German that lost by that single vote.
In her turn, the French woman aboard (played by Catherine Deneuve) states that the principles of the French Revolution inspired America's democratic Constitution. I think it was the other way around. The American Revolution and Constitution preceded the French Revolution.
Perhaps the writer and director of this film meant these "errors" to be sly commentaries on the actual chauvinism people harbor even as they declare in favor of the unity and equality of all mankind. I don't think so though. The movie's overall tone is generally one of such earnest instruction, that I believe these ideas may reflect the filmmakers' real misunderstandings.
John Malkovich is, as ever, creepy and subtly perverse in his role. Although he represents America in the international mix on board, his attitude actually better captures the sort of European male chauvinsim that persists to this day. He is incapable of seeing women as individuals. He sees them only as abstractions, as exemplars of charm or of the regrettable lack of charm.
The other characters, including the mother and daughter, are rarely shown in close-up. They are mostly shown from a distance great enough to make it impossible for viewers to see their features. I probably wouldn't be able to recognize any of these actors (outside the well-known Malkovich and Deneuve) if I saw them in other films. Again, this may have been intentional. The filmmakers may have wanted to be sure the characters stood, not as individuals, but as representatives of mankind. But I found myself straining to see a face, a unique expression.
In spite of all these failings, I was almost drawn into the movie during its final third. The quiet formality of the dialogue, the tender folk ballad that the Greek lady sings - almost made me care about the ending.
But not quite. On the whole, this movie is more histrionics than history. It attempts to be a travelogue through mankind's past and projected future. And for that, I think you're better off renting Rick Steves.
Movie Review: History class, nothing more...
Summary: 2 Stars
Acting- no good.
Plot- no good.
Scenery- ok.
Watch it only if you have no other options for a saturday night movie at home, alone.
The historical facts are very well presented, but there is nothing else to gain from this movie. Well, on second thought, Malcovich's final close up is great! jaja.
Movie Review: Astonishingly Bad
Summary: 1 Stars
I hesitate to announce my opinions to the world in a forum such as this but am moved to do so by the amazement I experienced when reading the glowing report in the synopsis provided for this movie as well as several of the reviews listed below. It is as if I have seen a completely different film.
This starts out as a travelogue of sights around Europe as experienced by a woman and her daughter and I presumed some coherent story line would evolve sooner or later. It never does. There are two and only two sequences in the entire movie: 1)the travelogue gimmick (although there are several) and 2) people sitting around a table talking with dialogue which gives new meaning to the word "shallow". That's it. I'm not kidding. Symptomatic of the inane direction (among several other faults too numerous to mention and starkly visible by even amateurs such as myself) is the ridiculous repeating shot of waves moving over the keel of the moving ship as the mother-daughter duo moves on to the next travelogue / history lesson sequence. It is truly embarrassing to see this over and over home movie camera type shot from a director who has been in the business for some 7 decades. A first year film student would receive an F for this type of lame-brained visual crutch. After about # 5 or 6 it actually gets pretty funny and provides some temporary relief.
When I arrived, at last, to John Malkovich's appearance, I thought that finally there would be some redemption from the exhausting tedium, that something - anything would start happening. Not so; his role was as irritating and meaningless as everyone else's and I watched in utter amazement that he would ever have consented to be a part of this amateurish nonsense. The script surrounding the never ending table talk by Malkovich and three women aboard the ship masquerades as something deep and philosophical but is instead vacant and self important cocktail party talk. Presumeably, some metaphysical, cosmic connection exists which allows all the participants in this conversation to understand one another since each person is speaking a different language. That's what passes for clever in this thing.
I remain astonished at the whole experience, particularly the very end which was the absolute crowning moment of cinematic imbecility. Those of you who have not seen this movie are forewarned - you'll probably not see any another such example of writing and directorial incompetence even if you go out of your way to find it. Well....there were a few episodes of "Gilligan's Island" which were worse, but that was television.
This movie is perhaps not as bad as Ed Wood's "Plan 9 from Outer Space" but is far more annoying since it not so bad as to be morbidly entertaining (as is "Plan 9") and pretentiously tries to make some last minute statement about terrorism as a rationale for its own existence. But by all means, go out and rent it. Invite some friends over, break out the munchies and watch with the same amazement I felt. Alcoholic beverages may be required and in generous quantities. At the shocking conclusion and as the credits are rolling, turn to your friends and see their stark expressions and open mouthed wonderment at what they have just experienced. You will be known as one who really knows how to do something unique as a party host. Then put on "Plan 9" to take away the pain.
Movie Review: I've never seen a worse movie.
Summary: 1 Stars
I rented this film, expecting some sort of cute history of Mediterranean culture--perhaps a touch dry and slow-moving, yes, but something that taught me a little, and perhaps even had subtle philosophical undertones. And, of course, to hear the many beautiful languages.
Well, I got the languages, but not much else. The history lesson did little more than list a few facts like a history textbook, perhaps understandable because the professor was speaking to an eight-year-old, but nonetheless rather dull.
Then the interlude of the three women and Malkovich was nothing short of silly. They were all speaking four different languages, which might have been interesting--if they hadn't kept HARPING on it. Dear God. It might have said something about communication or culture, but because they came right out and said LOOK THIS IS WHAT WE ARE SAYING ABOUT COMMUNICATION AND CULTURE, it killed any subtlety or deeper meaning. It was like a newspaper article. They told us what they were going to tell us, they told us, and then they told us what they told us. Over and over. (Listening to Malkovich's dreary monotone didn't help either.)
Everything about the dialogue was stilted and scripted. People were saying things like "it was an arduous task, indeed" to an eight-year-old; sentences were long and senseless; and the conversation kept dancing around actual politics to talk about some sort of utopian or distopian fiction that had everyone sighing and moping. It wasn't that it was difficult to comprehend--quite the contrary. It was so BLUNT and direct that there was no attention to actually making a movie at all. It was pointless political rambling.
And finally, the ending. Senseless, really. It didn't tell me anything about the fragility of life or the horror of terrorism or the corruption of mankind. Why? Because I had no emotional attachment to the characters, because there WERE NO CHARACTERS. There was no plot whatsoever. No continuity, no character development.
So I, well-known for crying in every movie, book, and television show that has even the hint of tragedy, was laughing my head off at the end that anyone could make a movie so INANE.
I love politics, philosphy, and languages; I like to learn about history; I love movies with beautiful scenery and deep hidden meanings.
This was THE WORST movie I have ever seen in my entire life. Period. Reading all the other reviews, I realize there was nothing I missed or didn't understand in particular--I just thought it was poorly planned, poorly acted, and poorly done in general.
A resounding two thumbs down.
Movie Review: Fraudulent
Summary: 1 Stars
In addition to all the other one-star reviews, with which I agree, what annoyed me about the film is the sheer fraud of it. It trades on all the good things -- the glories of Western civilization and history, the great European tradition of conversation, the understated European style of film-making -- but it makes such poor use of them all as to actually cheapen them. The film simply rings false from beginning to end. Let's see: a history professor mom has raised a daughter to age EIGHT who needs to ask what a myth or legend is? Or a mermaid, for crying out loud? And a Roman Catholic Christian who prays (the fact is prominently stated) has raised a child who has never heard of Moses or pharaohs? Oh, but this is not a real mother, it's a cardboard cutout -- and it talks like a dumbed-down textbook, not like a woman to a child, despite all the efforts of the excellent and charming actress Leonor Silveira.
The film is filled with Chekhov's guns that do not go off at the end. Nothing, literally nothing is made of the episode with the fisherman's dog, or the seemingly suggestive encounter with the suave Portuguese actor. The much built-up conceit of the captain's table conversation in four languages without translation collapses when the Portuguese mother and child join the table: no magic after all, not a modern-day Pentecost, simply people who know English, French and Italian -- not unusual for Europeans (although adding Greek to it is a stretch) -- but don't know Portuguese.
And the platitudes they spew in those languages! I am sure this was intended as sparkling wit and nuance. Let's see: (1) Love is a tyrant; (2) The world would be better run by women; (3) The cause of terrorism and religious fundamentalism is lack of "convergent values". And so on, interspersed with pseudo-historical cliches such as that Arabs spread Greek culture to Europeans. I feel sorry for the excellent Catherine Deneuve and the other actors (even the abominable, embarrassing John Malkovich) who had to work with such awful script. On second thought, no, I don't, they chose to do it.
I understand that Oliveira has a following; I have not seen his other films; and I allow that some things may have been lost in translation. But on balance... no, we didn't "not get it" because we are uncultured swine. This emperor really has no clothes.