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Movie Reviews of 10,000 B.C. [Blu-ray]Movie Review: PQ on Blu-Ray stellar, story a trainwreck Summary: 2 Stars
I just saw this film for the first time, as I am generally a fan of Emmerich's films (I liked Independence Day and loved 2012). The PQ and AQ on the Blu-Ray were stellar-close to a 5/5 for me. However the story was so preposterous and the pace so irritating that the film had few redeeming qualities aside from this. Though I am not a history scholar, I was a little unnerved by the total confusion along the timeline. I don't know if Emmerich intended to explain history on his own terms, but why horses and Mammoths and Sabertooth Tigers existed at the same time, as "regular-looking" horses was a bit strange. I was also a little put off by the smidgeons of humor interjected (the lead character speaking to the Tiger in the pit?). There were numerous stellar shots that panned over the Egyptian pyramid scenes, and several sweeping shots over the journey of the combined tribes but the story had so many holes in it, I felt like I was watching a parody/ Not recommended. If you wish to see this, rent it first.
Movie Review: Just too boring.. Summary: 2 Stars
I am a sucker for "monsters" and beasts in general. Been that since childhood and I'm close to 40 now. So although I already knew about the "not so good" critics for this movie, I just wanted it to see it because of the pre-historic beasts.
Alas, even they and the nice scenic cannot save this picture. It's just too boring. Acting is bad. And even the beasts were not as good as I hoped to be. The hairy elephants (don't know what they're called in English :) ) were ok. About as nice as the ones in LOTR. But the Sabretooth Tiger was just not realistic enough. And the "interaction" with it was too far fedged! Come on, this is a wild beast! not some nice little kitten!
Lots of deja vu's as well. Especially from LOTR and Jurassic park. The whole "run through high vegetation area while being chased by unknown beasts" is just a Jurassic Park rip off.
Anyway, rent it or buy it cheap second hand if you're really "into" these kind of beasts/monsters/dino's, else just leave it be.
Movie Review: "Hey, kids, get your authentic paleo-whistle reproduction, free in specially marked boxes of Lucky Charms!" Summary: 2 Stars
Yet another oven-ready gobbler from the modern master of empty spectacle, Roland Emmerich. Not only does the story comprise cliches from every prehistoric-humans film ever made (not to mention an implicit nod to "Stargate", Aesop's fable of the lion and the mouse, and "The Ten Commandments"), but there is simply no emotional connection with any of the characters. You really don't give a damn what happens to them. And then there's an absurd "geist ex machina" ending.
Though Emmerich claims to have studied what's known about paleolithic life (he at least gets the pole star right), the principal characters live in a winter wonderland only a few days' walk from appears to be Egypt! That's carrying plate-tectonic theory a bit too far, don'tcha think?
The only good thing about the film is the beautiful, seamless, CGI, missing only the piles of poop the wooly mammoths would have left while dragging huge blocks up the ramps.
Movie Review: D'Leh, we need to move Summary: 2 Stars
When I heard that line in the movie, I could only chuckle. By that point, I was bored to tears.
You can make a movie with wild historical innacuracies. You can make a movie with bad actors. You can make a movie that defies the laws of physics. You can make a movie without a semblance of a plot. What you can't do is make it boring, and that is this movie's biggest fault. I was not expecting much from this film, either.
I'm giving this movie one star, but an extra star for the digital copy. Of course, that's not a big deal for a movie this bad, but it is still my favorite special feature. I like to watch movies on the train or plane on my iPod; this is a welcome feature from the studios, and I hope it continues.
Movie Review: Kind of like a hot girl at the bar. Summary: 2 Stars
This movie is easy to look at, gives you something to do while you think about something else and best of all it's disposable. Sure, you can invest your precious time in paying attention to it, but does doing so really get you anywhere and do you come out of it a better person? Probably not. Rent this, but before you return it scratch it up really badly. You have now just paid it forward: The next renter, unable to watch it, will be saved 2 hours of time he probably should be spending mailing out child support checks anyway. Job well done. Pat yourself on the back.
But seriously, don't pay for this movie.
More Movie Reviews: First Review 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14
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